<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
(About forty or so minutes ago...)
[Iris]
Wakey wakey, Oniichan.
[???]
Urgh... huh?
[Iris]
Ahahahahaha...!! How does it feel, Oniichan!? How does it feel to have your mortal spirit bound to this mechanical puppet??
[???]
... huh?
[Iris]
Iris will not be denied her date... and after the sacrifice of exactly one thousand human souls as per the Twelfth Blood Ritual of She Who Masticates a Thousand Sacrificed Shrieking Souls--
[???]
Iris?! You're alive!?
[Iris]
Huh?
[???]
I thought you died when Sakura went on her insane rampage!
[Iris]
... Iris thinks that she may have taken Oniichan's soul from the wrong dimension.
[Another Ogami]
What, more of this cliched parallel dimension crap? Can't you just let me be dead in peace?
[Iris]
But I bound your soul to a mechanical--
[Another Ogami]
Aaaah, bite my shiny metal--
[Another Ogami]
-- ARM? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY ARM!?
[Iris]
I told you! I tore your soul out and put it in a robot!
[Another Ogami]
WHY did you relocate my soul into a ROBOT!? DID YOU NEED TO PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH SOMEONE'S DRILL!?
[Iris]
Something like that! Actually it was meant as revenge on Oniichan, who didn't want to go on a date with me and tried to send me out with a robot instead. I guess this Oniichan is as good as any, so let's hurry up and go on that date!!
[Another Ogami]
What-- I-- oh god it's July 5th IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY WHY GOD WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RELOCATE MY DECEASED SOUL THREE DIMENSIONS OVER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!?
[Iris]
Because I wanted to~! And now I have an Oniichan all to myself!
[Another Ogami]
... this is purgatory, isn't it.
[Iris]
THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAT PURGATORY. FOR INSTANCE, THERE IS NON-EXISTENCE. NOW GET OVER HERE.
[Another Ogami]
Yes'm.
----
[Iris]
Hey, hey, Oniichan. Where will you be taking me?
[Another Ogami]
How about going to see a movie at Asakusa?
[Another Ogami]
Oh... you wanted to go to Asakusa?
[Iris]
Yep. Kohran said she'd gone to Asakusa a lot while she was staying at the Flower Mansion.
[Iris]
She said there are all kinds of shops, and that it was really interesting. So let's go to Asakusa!
[Another Ogami]
Got it. Then let's go to Asakusa.
[Iris]
Yes! Let's hurry up and go!
----
[Another Ogami]
As if I have any choice but to act out this horrible little drama.
[Iris]
Of COURSE you have a choice--
[Another Ogami]
ASIDE from "do this thing or fucking die."
----
----
[Iris]
So how did you die so quickly, Oniichan?
[Another Ogami]
... you know, MOST people would ask someone from a parallel dimension things like "so what's your world like" or "what's different over there," not "har har, you died."
[Iris]
C'mooon, I'm curious!
[Another Ogami]
Fine, fine. Well, lessee...
Once upon a time, in a parallel dimension a little to the left of this current universe, there lived a dumbass named Ichiro Ogami.
Ogami eventually fell in love with this girl that he knew. To be sure, she was certainly cute, but she was also kind and caring, and she was gifted an iron will. That she was skilled in swordplay was merely icing on the cake. Above all, however, this girl loved him back.
Her name was Sakura.
Despite the instability of their own world, wracked as it was by countless demonic assaults, Ogami and Sakura were able to overcome virtually any obstacle that was thrown at them. Through all of these trials, the bond between Ogami and Sakura only grew more powerful, and their affection for each other remained stronger than ever.
Gradually, however, Ogami found himself unable to keep up. Sakura adored him, and Ogami loved her dearly. But no matter what Ogami said or did, he could not seem to reassure Sakura that this was so.
Sakura started getting agitated whenever Ogami so much as spoke with other women.
Sakura started getting frustrated whenever Ogami did not understand why she was upset.
Sakura started to demand more and more of Ogami's attention, that he stay by her side twenty-four-seven, becoming suspicious of any of Ogami's- or even her own- friends...
And the two of them started to bicker, more and more frequently.
One quiet night, Ogami approached Sakura.
"Sakura, you know that I love you."
Yes, she replied. I love you too.
"I know that. And you know that... but we can't keep doing this. I can't spend every waking moment with you, without even speaking with anyone else."
To which Sakura said, Why not?
"Because we have our duty to the Imperial Capital. And because... we have our duty to our friends as well."
Sakura remained silent for a moment. ... you're right. Ogami... you're right. I can't keep asking this of you. I'm sorry. It's so easy. I love you.
I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you so much...
Sakura drew her sword.
... that I can't share you with anybody else...
And the Ichiro Ogami of this world knew no more.
[Another Ogami]
... and that's about when my soul was ripped out of my dead body, hurled about three paces to the left, and stuck inside what amounts to a walking time bomb.
[Iris]
But isn't it great being alive again, Another Oniichan?
[Another Ogami]
Are you kidding me!? I was dead and loving it, instead of being torn apart twenty-four-seven by my insane girlfriend and my sadistic co-workers!
[Another Ogami]
... look, can't I talk go talk with THIS universe's Ichiro Ogami and tell him not to hook up with Sakura? Or at least give him a good kick in the balls for pissing you off so much that you'd kill a thousand souls to try and bind his spirit to a Kohran-bot?
[Iris]
Don't worry, Another Oniichan, he gets kicked there pretty much every day, anyways.
[Another Ogami]
Yeah... yeah, I guess some things just won't change, huh.
---
----
[Another Ogami]
In that case... I wonder where we should go.
----
[Iris]
Way to take the initiative, Oniichan.
[Another Ogami]
Look, I'm a little bit rusty, okay? I've been dead for a while.
[Iris]
Tee-hee! Should we go buy some oil?
[Another Ogami]
You know PERFECTLY well what I meant. And stop trying to seem ingratiatingly cute and innocent- I AM Ichiro Ogami, after all, and I know what you really are.
[Iris]
Ch'.
----
[Another Ogami]
Well then, let's go walk in the park.
[Iris]
Yes! Let's go, let's go!
----
[Another Ogami]
What's up?
[Iris]
You know, Iris wants to walk with Oniichan like we're a pair of lovers.
[Another Ogami]
(Like a pair of lovers......)
[Another Ogami]
In that case, let's walk arm in arm.
[Iris]
Eh!? Really? Eheheh... my heart's starting to beat really fast.
[Another Ogami]
Ah... but Iris, your hands... can't reach that high, huh...
----
[Another Ogami]
... because you're a MIDGET! HAW HAW!
[Iris]
Dammit, Oniichan...
----
[Another Ogami]
Aah, of course.
We can walk arm in arm once you grow just a little bit bigger, Iris.
[Iris]
Iris wants to hurry up and become a grown-up, so that I can walk arm in arm with you...
----
[Another Ogami]
Aaaand until then, you're too short.
[Iris]
Oniichan, that's--
[Another Ogami]
Hey, Iris! What's the difference between an elephant and a monkey?
[Iris]
Wh-what? I don't--
[Another Ogami]
YOU'RE A MIDGET!
[Iris]
STOP IIIIIIT!!
[Another Ogami]
Hey, hey, look, if I do THIS--
[Another Ogami]
You can't even reach over and hit me!
[Iris]
AAAARGH!!
[Another Ogami]
Ha ha ha... oh wow, NOW I remember why being alive was so awesome.
----
[Another Ogami]
Iris, let's rest here for a little while.
[Iris]
Yes, okay. But Oniichan, don't let go of my hand, okay?
[Another Ogami]
Yes, yes.
[Another Ogami]
What's up?
[Iris]
How old... do you think Iris has become today?
[Another Ogami]
Ummm... eight years old, I think?
[Iris]
Iris became ten years old today! I won't be a child forever!
----
[Another Ogami]
... oh, really now?
[Iris]
Yes!
[Another Ogami]
Too bad, this is what you look like about five years from now.
[Iris]
...
[Iris]
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!
----
[Another Ogami]
S, sorry...
[Another Ogami]
... that was my bad. I'm sorry, Iris.
----
----
[Another Ogami]
In that case, let's go buy something.
[Another Ogami]
Eek!? W, wait, Iris. I won't be able to buy anything like jewelry!
[Iris]
That's alright, hurry, hurry!
----
[Another Ogami]
I, uh, I think left my wallet in my other body. Sorry, no can do.
[Iris]
How about if we just compromise and ask them to send the bill to your house, forcing this world's Oniichan to pay for everything?
[Another Ogami]
APPROVED! Buy anything you want!
[Iris]
Yaaaaay!
----
[Shopkeeper]
Hey, mister and missus, welcome. Well, browse at your own leisure.
[Another Ogami]
Oh... it's just an accessories shop. I thought it would be an actual jewelry shop...
[Shopkeeper]
Hey, mister... how about buying something to give to the young lady here?
[Iris]
Yaaaaay, do it, do it!
[Shopkeeper]
Wow, you really look like you're getting along well. Is she your little sister?
----
[Another Ogami]
(... I don't think he'd believe me even if I DID tell him the truth.)
----
[Another Ogami]
No, she's my daughter.
[Iris]
Oniichan! Why is Iris your daughter!?
[Another Ogami]
S, sorry. It was just a light joke.
[Iris]
Really! I've been waiting so long for this date, so don't go and say weird things!
[Shopkeeper]
'Oniichan'... as I thought, that means you're brother and sister, right? But if it's like that, you don't look very much alike...
[Iris]
That's wrong! Oniichan is Iris's lover!
[Shopkeeper]
L, lover?
[Another Ogami]
I, Iris!?
[Shopkeeper]
L, lover!? Really? Then, why not buy something for your cute girlfriend!
----
[Shopkeeper]
Aaaand I'll just let the both of you browse at your leisure while I call the cops real quick.
[Another Ogami]
Oh jesus. I think it's time to leave, Iris.
----
----
----
[Another Ogami]
I don't want to get party vanned, Iris!!
[Iris]
Aaah, don't worry, Oniichan, I can mind-flay anyone who tries to arrest you!
[Another Ogami]
... on one hand, I'm grateful for your help, but, y'know, I REALLY don't think I want to deal with homicide charges on TOP of the party van.
----
[Shopkeeper]
I recommend these hairpins. How about wearing one in place of your ribbon, young lady?
[Another Ogami]
... Iris. Happy birthday. This is my present to you.
[Iris]
Oniichan, thank you!
[Another Ogami]
Do you like it?
[Iris]
Yup! Iris will keep this as her treasure!
----
[Another Ogami]
Great. Awesome. NOW can we run like hell?
[Iris]
Iris really doesn't see what the fuss is all about.
[Another Ogami]
Look, just... just ask Maria about "underage b&" when you get back, okay?
----
[Iris]
... hey, Oniichan. Where should we go next?
[Ogami]
Right. Let's try going to the movie theater.
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index