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[Kanna]
Forget the "what's wrong?"! Look at this!!
[Ogami]
.... what?
[Sumire]
My oh my-- how can you be so carefree?! We are telling you to LOOK at this!
----
[Ogami]
What the hell are you guys TALKING about!?
[Kohran]
Oh, c'mon, Ogami-han, stop foolin' with us! THIS! LOOK at THIS!!
[Ogami]
For chrissakes, you've been thrusting a goddamn receipt for ten gallons of lard in my face for the past five minutes!
[Kohran]
What!? Pull th' other one, it's got bells on--
[Kohran]
-- oh, shit, yer right. Sorry, I must've grabbed th' wrong piece of paper. Hold on, I'll go get it.
[Sumire]
Ten gallons of lard? Wait... why does the theater need ten gallons of lard?
[Kanna]
Well, you know... I get kind of hungry at night sometimes.
[Sumire]
... that's disgusting.
[Kanna]
No it ain't! Look, my doctor told me that it was perfectly okay!
[Sumire]
Really now.
[Kanna]
Okay, fine, he REALLY said "oh god oh god okay fine you can eat whatever the hell you want, just stop kicking me in my brittle old man hip."
[Sumire]
... I suppose that a 500-pound gorilla CAN do whatever it wishes.
----
[Iris]
"Farewell. Iris will be living alone now.
I'm ten years old today. Don't look for me, okay.
Oniichan, you IDIOT!
~ Iris."
As Ogami looked at the piece of paper clutched in Kohran's hands, he noticed how... fresh the ink looked. Was it a forgery? No, that was Iris's handwriting, alright... only the things SHE wrote could glow like runes of demonic power, and--
Ogami's mind suddenly focused on one, terrible thought: when did Iris write this letter?
He'd sent her out of the theater with Ogami-Robo a little over an hour ago. He'd SEEN her take the trolley out somewhere into the city. Iris couldn't possibly have written that letter before she left- the ink was still drying, and besides, the little girl-thing looked happy enough. But then, Iris couldn't have come back into the theater this quickly- going into town wouldn't be too hard, but coming BACK to Ginza should have taken more time, given the traffic...
... what the hell was going ON here?
[Ogami]
Th... this is?
[Maria]
We tried searching within the theater, but... she isn't anywhere to be found.
----
[Ogami]
I don't know! She invited me out on a date with her, but as to WHERE she's gone...
[Ogami]
W... what do you mean, if I lie... come on, please trust me!
----
[Kanna]
Look, Captain, you're a great guy and all, but we're kind of worried that you're a, er...
[Sakura]
A flaming loliphile who's done horrible things to Iris.
[Ogami]
What!? Shouldn't you be worried that Kohran all of you SHE'S done horrible things to ME?
[Sakura]
Then why were you so sweet on her when you first came to the theater!?
[Ogami]
Look, I thought we were OVER that! It's not like I was HITTING on Iris when I first met her, it's just that the sight of blond hair does weird things to my mind, and--
[Maria]
...
[Ogami]
-- oooookay, so maybe that wasn't the best excuse. But believe me, I wouldn't lay a hand on Iris! SHE SCARES THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME.
[Kohran]
Look, Ogami-han, you've jes' gotta remember that loliphilia is BAD. Think 'bout it this way: ya don't shovel spoonfuls of cookie dough into yer mouth, you've gotta wait 'til th' cookies have finished bakin' afore you eat 'em.
[Ogami]
What? That's a horrible metaphor, cookie dough is fucking delicious--
[Ogami]
... wait, I--
[Ogami]
-- SHIT.
----
[Sumire]
What in the world could it be?
[Kohran]
You'll understand when ya see it! C'mon, Ogami-han, gimme yer head.
[Ogami]
Wh, what're you doing!?
(... a lot of struggling and a few tranquilizer darts later ...)
[Ogami]
Th... this is...!?
[Kohran]
It's my newest invention! Th' lie detector, "Mister Truth"!
[Kanna]
A lie detector!? That sounds kinda amazing!
[Kohran]
It's real simple to use! It can tell whether or not you're lyin' jes' from your answer to a question!
[Sumire]
As usual, it appears that making bizarre devices is your specialty.
[Sakura]
D, don't tell me... if you tell a lie, it'll explode or something...
[Kohran]
'Course it will. What else'd it do if it doesn't explode?
[Ogami]
H, hold on a second! You hadn't said anything about THAT!
----
[Ogami]
Couldn't you just, you know, make it do something like sound a buzzer? Or a cute little red flag? Or something that WON'T pulp my head like an overripe melon?
[Kohran]
Are ya kiddin' me? There ain't no fun in somethin' like THAT! Besides, yer exaggeratin'. At worst, it'll jes' punch a hole through th' top of yer head and ventilate things in there a little bit.
[Ogami]
Okay, fine, but I'm telling you that the end result will be the same no matter how much or how little explosive power you equip it with! Get this thing off of me!!
[Kanna]
Awww, c'mon, Captain, don't be such a little wuss! Besides, we want to see some blood!
[Ogami]
Excuse me?
[Sumire]
Kanna, would you kindly shut up!? You're going to give it away!
[Kanna]
Oh, er, whoops. I mean, uh, nothing! Nothing at all.
[Ogami]
GOD I can't wait 'til those restraining orders get through the system.
----
[Kohran]
Alright, let's hurry up and get started. In place of actually testin' out Makoto-kun, let's go with some easy questions.
Are you Ichiro Ogami?
----
[Ogami]
YOU HAVEN'T TESTED THIS THING OUT YET!?
[Kohran]
Pfff, details, details! You ARE th' test, man. Now answer th' question before yer head a splode.
----
[Ogami]
Yes!
[Kohran]
Well, ya passed that first one easy. If you'd said "no" here, it'd have exploded.
----
[Ogami]
Or it might have exploded if I'd said yes, because you hadn't actually tested the thing out yet.
[Kohran]
Well, aren't YOU Mister Anal-Retentive this morning.
----
[Ogami]
Oi, Kohran! I'm begging you, get this thing off of me!
[Kohran]
Here we go with the second question!
[Kanna]
Hold up! Let me bring up the next question!
[Kohran]
W, wait up, Kanna-han!
[Kanna]
C'mon, there aren't gonna be any problems, right? We're still testing this thing out!
----
[Ogami]
*whimper*
----
[Kanna]
... right, here's the second question. Do you like tomboyish women?
----
[Ogami]
....
[Ogami]
(Oh shit oh shit oh shit I DON'T KNOW IF I DO OR NOT good god-- wait, wait, so if I answer 'yes', my head might explode, so maybe I should say 'no', which... would mean that my head might STILL explode AND piss off Kanna, who would pulverize--)
----
[Ogami]
Yes!
[Kohran]
It didn't explode... it looks like it wasn't a lie.
[Kanna]
I see... so you DO like tomboyish women, Captain.
[Sumire]
Well then, my trust in this device is dropping bit by bit. Is this thing actually functioning properly?
[Kohran]
Hmmm... that last question's gotten me pretty worried, too.
[Kohran]
Ah... the machine wasn't actually turned on! It wasn't actually workin'!
[Kanna]
Wh, what's up with THAT... that's just disappointing.
[Kohran]
There. Right, let's get down to th' main questions.
[Sakura]
..........
[Kohran]
Do you know where Iris is right now?
[Ogami]
No!
[Kohran]
... it ain't explodin'.
[Maria]
If he answered "no" and it didn't explode...
[Sumire]
Then that means he REALLY does not know where she is... how boring.
[Kanna]
In the end, the Captain doesn't know either, huh... ch', can't be helped. Let's go, everyone.
[Ogami]
What's with that attitude? Even though I told the truth...
----
[Kanna]
Look, I'm telling you, we just wanted to see some blood.
[Sumire]
Do you have any idea how boring it gets around here in the morning?
[Ogami]
[Ogami]
Even so... I'm also worried about where Iris has gotten off to.
In any case, I might as well search inside the theater.
What's really frightening about this event is...
... the fact that absolutely everyone seems to have disappeared...
... as if some sinister force is forcing Ogami to focus only on searching for Iris, blinding his feeble brain to anything else that might be going on in the theater.
----
For one thing, she had Ogami-Robo, and for another, she shouldn't actually be back yet.
----
You know...
I haven't really noticed this before, but I've come to realize just how many of the theater's windows are facing into the courtyard. The second that Ogami (or anyone else) steps into the courtyard, who knows HOW many people can see what he's doing?
And if you look closely at the second floor's map, you can see that Kohran, Iris, and Sumire's rooms all face the courtyard, giving them an unfettered view of anything that's going on down there, at any time of the day.
...
[Ogami]
... oh dear lord.
With almost indecent haste, Ogami rushed up the stairs and screeched to a halt in front of the door to Iris's room.
The door creaked open.
The tortured voices at the very edge of Ogami's hearing were louder than ever before, crowding into the ticket-taker's mind at every opportunity.
"... s... Iris Iris Iris Iris Ir..."
"... hurts... it hurts... Iris... n... o..."
"... ck... go back..."
"... ve me back... my body..."
Ogami gritted his teeth and forced his wandering mind to focus on the task at hand.
----
----
Ogami forced the book open, his fingers narrowly escaping the teeth set on the edges of the covers, and his eyes immediately started hurting as he looked at the pages within--
----
[Iris]
Tomorrow is Iris's birthday. I'm going to Asakusa, and go on a date with Oniichan.
Iris is really going to dress up, so Oniichan will surely melt in my hands.
And then in front of the fountain in the park, we're going to kiss. Hee-hee.
[Ogami]
Asakusa? I see! Iris was planning to take me on a date in Asakusa, huh?
----
[Ogami]
Hmm? There's something else under the sheets? It doesn't seem like a stuffed ani--
[Maria]
... what's that awful racket?
[Kanna]
Oh, that? It's probably the Captain screaming in a way that speaks of a complete and utter horror that has his tortured, scarred mind cringing in fear.
[Sumire]
What, again? ... Kohran, I believe it's your turn to see what's the matter with him.
[Kohran]
Right, right...
[Sakura]
Can I go with her?
[Maria]
Sakura, we forbade you from checking up on the Captain for the next three months because the LAST time you went, the screaming didn't actually stop.
[Sakura]
Eh, well, you can't blame me for trying.
[Sakura]
I'm killing YOU first, bitch.
[Maria]
Hmm? Did you say something?
[Sakura]
Nothing at all!
----
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