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[Ogami]
Hey, Kanna. You look troubled- what's wrong?
[Kanna]
But I haven't been able to link my guard and my attack, so I've been having trouble.
[Kanna]
Hey, Captain. If it's alright with you, could you spar with me for a bit?
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[Ogami]
Kanna, do I really look like I need to have every bone broken in my body today?
[Kanna]
Awww, c'mon, Captain, it won't take too long! I just need you to give me your best shot.
[Ogami]
... really? That's it?
[Kanna]
Yeah! Look, I promose, you won't have to do anything else.
[Ogami]
... okay, sure, I don't see why not. One punch, then, and that's it!
[Kanna]
Yup! Gimme your best shot!
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[Ogami]
Alright... here we go! ... dyaah!?
[Kanna]
Awright, I'll take advantage of that thrust... five continuous attacks!
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[Ogami]
F- FIVE ATTACKS!? THAT--
[Kanna]
Here we go!!
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[Ogami]
WAIT WAIT WAIT OH GOD NOT IN THGHBHSKLJAFLKJDFGX--
THWOCK
THWACK
THWOCK
CRUNCH
SCRUNCHsquishblort
[Ogami]
AAIIIIEEE-- dude, was that my kidney?!
[Kanna]
Couldn't tell ya, Captain! Thanks for swinging by!
[Ogami]
-- oh god my knees shouldn't be bending my legs perpendicular to the ground WHY, KANNA, WHY!?
[Kanna]
Once you pop, you just can't stop! Seeya 'round!
----
With the detached numbness of the mortally wounded, Ogami reflected that he was leaving an awful lot of blood and/or internal fluids on the carpet for some poor bastard to clean.
With the detached numbness of those used to being flushed down the crapper on a regular basis (figuratively speaking), Ogami's next thought was that the poor bastard was probably going to be him.
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[Sumire]
Why, if it isn't-- good GOD, Ensign, what happened?
[Ogami]
Kanna did. Sumire-kun... I think every bone in my body's broken, and I barely managed to drag myself this far, and I think my vision's tunneling, so could you drag me down to--
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[Ogami]
Huh? Sumire-kun, what--
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[Ogami]
... what!? Are you crazy? I--
[Sumire]
...
[Ogami]
I mean, yes'm. Just... just give me a second to drag my broken body up to a chair.
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[Ogami]
(Exactly how long does she plan to make me do this?)
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[Sumire]
Aaaah... there we go. Thank you, Ensign!
[Ogami]
Oh, hell, no problem at all. It only took long enough for all of my injuries to heal naturally.
[Sumire]
Glad to be of service. Ta-ta!
----
I send Ogami trekking back upstairs, because it's that time of month again: Koi Koi time.
----
[Maria]
We'd damn well BETTER have a good match, because I have been waiting here for hours.
[Ogami]
It's a long story... let's just get this started. I'll shuffle the deck.
[Maria]
Alright.
[Ogami]
... there. Maria, draw--
[Ogami]
D... draw the cards, Maria. I meant draw the CARDS.
[Maria]
I apologize, Captain. Some words still make me get a bit jumpy.
[Ogami]
Nnnno problem. Couldja put that gun down? Please? Or at least do something about the safety catch?
[Maria]
What's a safety catch?
[Ogami]
...
[Maria]
...
[Ogami]
... could you just put the gun down and start the game?
----
VS. MARIA
I hosed up the video recording this time around, so I won't be able to put up a video link for the match itself. Those of you wishing to see a card game in action will have to turn to that newfangled Card Games channel, where they broadcast people playing children's card games 24/7.
Needless to say, nothing much was lost. The match DID involve a surprising amount of yelling on Maria's part, however.
----
[Maria]
NO! YOU BASTARD!!
[Ogami]
Wha- what'd I-- GOOD GOD PUT THE GUN DOWN!!
[Maria]
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! YOU--
[Ogami]
It's just a card game! Calm down! Or at least let me write my will!!
[Maria]
S... sorry, Captain. I still get... jumpy about these kinds of games. They were a bit more... cutthroat back before I came to Japan. I have seen grown men- mob bosses, crime overlords, and their ilk- slaughter each other over single cards...
[Ogami]
What kind of card games did you have back then?
[Ogami]
... um.
[Maria]
They involved... c-cutesy little battling monsters tearing each others' throats out.
[Ogami]
... good god, Maria, are you freaking seriou- I'M SORRY I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT PUT THE GUN DOWN PLEASE.
[Maria]
Those were crazy times, Captain.
[Ogami]
Are you sure those times actually ever ended?
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. . . (one game later...) . . .
[Ogami]
Whew... somehow, I managed to win...
----
[Ogami]
... without dying needlessly...
----
----
[Maria]
Do your best, and don't let your guard down.
Two more people, huh? Well, out of the possible remaining strongest battlers...
... let's go check on one of them.
[Kohran]
I've been waitin' fer ya, Ogami-han! Now, hurry up 'n c'mon in!!
[Ogami]
Right, I'm coming in.
Amazingly, Ogami manages to remain somewhat calm.
This is, at the very least, one of the few benefits to being mentally scarred.
[Kohran]
Ogami-han, what're ya lookin' around like that for. Over here!
[Ogami]
.... eh!? Uwah, when did you get behind me? And furthermore... that's...
...
I can't decide whether that's awesome or frightening. 
[Ogami]
O... Ogami-Robo!? Don't tell me that in order to make this, everything up until now had been...
[Kohran]
How's it feel, t' see yer very own self?
[Ogami]
Eh...
[Ogami]
E, even this is wearing a ticket-taking outfit!?
[Kohran]
Heheheh... it ain't jes' th' ticket-takin' outfit.
Ogami-han, I used yer data as th' base fer its inside body too, reproducin' even th' minute details.
[Kohran]
Well... y'know... 'course, there were also some... unreplicable parts, too...
[Ogami]
Eh...
[Kohran]
It's th' bellybutton. The bellybutton was a lost cause. There ain't any point t' havin' it there.
----
[Ogami]
...
[Kohran]
...
[Ogami]
...
[Kohran]
...
[Ogami]
That's it?
[Kohran]
Eh? Whaddaya mean?
[Ogami]
Is that the only unmentionable body part?
[Kohran]
Eh, the other one isn't even worth mentionin'!
[Ogami]
... well, not only have you caused incredible amounts of trauma, you've managed to kill my self-confidence, too.
[Kohran]
All inna day's work!
----
[Kohran]
Also, if I added th' bellybutton, there wouldn't be any way t' tell it apart from th' real deal!
[Ogami]
I, I see... I think that even with a bellybutton, you'd be able to tell the difference, though...
[Kohran]
Right then, I'm activatin' th' Ogami-Robo! Switch on!!
KER-DETONATE.
[Ogami]
Cheer up, Kohran. Your feelings make me happy enough.
[Ogami]
Also... it's not like you to let one mistake get you down like that!
----
[Ogami]
Eek! U... unit two!?
[Kohran]
Ogami-han, I'm gonna need more effort from YOU, too. I'm countin' on ya!
[Ogami]
Tohoho...
----
[Ogami]
So... all this was for the express purpose of making me a present?
[Kohran]
Yep!
[Ogami]
Each and every one of those hours of mental AND physical scarring, spread across a few months of heart-bursting terror, were all for the sake of making me one single present?
[Kohran]
That's right! It's jes' a small present.
[Ogami]
Just a small-- good god, and it's not even a holiday or anything...
[Kohran]
Thanks fer remindin' me, Ogami-han! When's yer birthday comin' u--
[Ogami]
I don't have one!
[Kohran]
But-
[Ogami]
I am philosophically against receiving presents! I am also religiously against receiving presents! In fact, I am also very much philosophically against receiving presents for religious reasons!!
[Kohran]
Not even a-
[Ogami]
NO!
[Kohran]
Well, a'right, if ya insist... if you'll excuse me, I gotta go dump this here robot...
[Ogami]
Wwwwwait, hold on a sec. Kohran, how fast can you repair this thing?
[Kohran]
First off, the Ogami-Robo ain't a "thing," and it'll probably take me a few days-
[Ogami]
Could you get it done faster?
[Kohran]
Well, sure, but it won't work fer very long if--
[Ogami]
That's no problem! I just need it to work for, oh, half an hour or so.
[Kohran]
I guess, if'n you insist...
. . .
[Ogami]
Hey, Iris, let's go on that date!
[Iris]
What? Really, Oniichan!?
[Ogami]
Sure, just meet me in the lobby in about five minutes!
[Iris]
Yaaaaay! Thank you, Oniichan!! Iris needs to change, but she'll be right there!!
. . .
... thus, thanks to his robotic double, Ogami managed to free up the rest of his afternoon.
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