<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
----
[Ogami]
Hold on, you've been sitting on the edge of the pool, in your bathing suit, just waiting for me to show up and teach you how not to drown?
[Sumire]
Yes.
[Ogami]
Even though we never specifically arranged a meeting time during these past few months.
[Sumire]
Well... yes.
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
Hell, after everything that's been going on in this theater, that sounds perfectly reasonable. Clothes off!
----
[Ogami]
Hey, Sumire-kun, wait up!
[Ogami]
... hm, did I hit something? Sumire-kun, what in the world is this round sph...
[Sumire]
That would be a miniature mine! That person who trains frequently thought this would help her improve more quickly.
----
[Ogami]
And you didn't think it would be a problem if you left them in the pool!?
[Sumire]
Well, no, but I thought they would be helpful?
[Ogami]
For heaven's sake, we're just practicing goddamn butterfly kicks! We're not even using the entire pool!
[Sumire]
I didn't think that they would pack THAT much destructive power.
[Ogami]
Eh, there shouldn't be any permanent harm if you could just scrape my kidneys off the wall and stem the fountain of blood that's erupted from my glbhflx.
----
[Ogami]
Y.... you should've said that sooner...
[Sumire]
Ensign? Ensign!? I, I must save him! Ch'... I have no choice but to swim!!
[Sumire]
Ensign, get a hold of yourself!! ... o, oh no, he's not breathing!
[Sumire]
H, here, I shall have to...
...
I'm pretty sure that CPR doesn't work like that.
[Ogami]
(Ow ow ow... hm? It's kind of warm for some-- ha!? Sumire-kun!)
[Sumire]
Ensign... I shall have to give you the kiss of life...
This is a bad time to mention that the medical facilities are right across the hall. Or that Sumire can't gauge someone's breathing worth beans.
Or that this might all be just as planned. 
[Ogami]
(Wah... wh, what should I do...)
----
[Ogami]
(Alright, alright, so you're being embraced by the owner of an incredible sum of money and vast tracts of land, just stay calm and act natural so that she doesn't think that you're about to die, and--)
----
----
----
[Ogami]
I AM PERFECTLY FINE! NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
[Sumire]
Must you yell so loudly?
[Ogami]
FINE! NO PROBLEM! MY TROUSERS ARE DANCING WITH FELICITATIONS! GREAT SUCCESS!
[Sumire]
... with the way you're acting, one would think that you have never come in close contact with a woman before, Ensign.
[Ogami]
ACTUALLY, YES I HAVE, MANY TIMES HERE AT THE THEATER, AND I CAN SAFELY SAY THAT ALL OF THEM WERE HIGHLY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES, WHICH IS WHY I AM CURRENTLY SCARED SHITLESS.
[Sumire]
Well, I TOLD you that you should not have left that bar of soap where Sakura could get to it.
[Ogami]
I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE JOKING!
----
[Sumire]
As expected! That you would be unharmed, even after an explosion like that...
It appears that I did not even need to intervene.
[Ogami]
Hahaha... that's kind of bittersweet...
----
[Ogami]
Because this opens me up to being physically abused by beautiful women in all sorts of comical ways without me coming to any permanent harm.
[Sumire]
Is that necessarily a bad thing?
[Ogami]
Yes, because no matter how much excruciating pain you people put me through, I won't ever be able to die here.
----
.
..
...
----
[Ogami]
Eh?
[Sumire]
When you collapsed, Ensign, I... swam out to you without even noticing it, almost as if I was in a dream...
----
[Ogami]
R, right... well, as long as I've been helpful...
----
And this, my friends, marks the end of Sumire's swimming lessons. Guess we can call it quits here, see you all in my next LP!
Mecha and Demons: Messing with History since 1923, Sakura Wars LP
~ FIN
... now that THAT'S over with, let's get on with some of the other events.
[Yuri]
Ah... Ogami-san.
[Ogami]
Yuri-kun, what are doing here?
[Yuri]
I was looking at this. It's a collection of photos from a fashion show performed in Paris.
----
[Ogami]
Come to think of it... how many books do we even HAVE in here? I mean, we've got that Dorcheskofskwhatsits book and the Karma Sutra, but...
[Yuri]
Oh, I'm pretty sure that our library is a well of infinite possibilities, since the books it contains generally depends on whatever it is us girls want to talk about at any given time.
[Ogami]
Oh, uh, yeah, certainly, I've noticed that too. It's just a wormhole connected to every other library in the world, at any given point in time.
[Yuri]
Exactly! How'd you guess?
[Ogami]
... wait, you're being SERIOUS?
----
[Yuri]
How wonderful... I'd love to go there just once. Don't you think so too, Ogami-san?
[Ogami]
Paris, huh...
[Ogami]
I'd love to go visit. I mean, I'm interested in how people in foreign countries live their lives.
----
[Ogami]
People living in Paris, huh...
[Yuri]
Wouldn't it be wonderful?
[Ogami]
... it'd certainly be a lesson in terror...
[Yuri]
Excuse me?
[Ogami]
Why did he have to chop off their heads and pull out their bones?
----
[Ogami]
A tour of Paris, huh.... that sounds like it would be fun.
[Yuri]
Wouldn't it? I'll try talking to the Manager about it!
----
[Yuri]
And if we do REALLY well, we might even be able to create a Paris-based branch of the Imperial Assault Force!
[Ogami]
A... a Paris-based branch, huh...
[Ogami]
Sacré bleu.
[Yuri]
Bless you!
----
[Yuri]
Ogami-san, you're always wearing your ticket-taking outfit- don't you wear anything else?
[Ogami]
I brought other clothes, but I guess I haven't had much of a chance to put them on... I'm taking tickets every day, you see.
----
[Yuri]
Hasn't the Manager been throwing out every article of clothing in your closet that ISN'T the ticket-taking outfit?
[Ogami]
Well, yes, that's a minor detail, but if I could ever HAVE other clothes...
----
[Yuri]
For instance... maybe a red suit or something...
[Ogami]
A red suit, huh... I'll think about it.
----
[Yuri]
Red suits you pretty well! I mean, you're always bleeding copiously from the head and from your broken, battered extremities, and you make it look GOO-
[Ogami]
YES, I KNOW, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
----
NEXT TIME: A thorough beating, a hands-on project, and the most harrowing game of cards ever played by mankind.
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index