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I'd just like to give a shout-out to whoever designed that WaffleUpload program thingamajig. Fuck yes, no more manually uploading each screenshot individually.

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VIDEO!

Google Version!
Youtube Version Coming Soon.


"It may seem ludicrous to think that a squad made up of six to eight semi-experimental, steam-powered 'spirit armor' units would be able to protect an entire city's capital from the beginnings of a full-fledged demonic invasion by the newly-revived Tenkai.

"Mankind had just started scratching the surface of steam-powered robotics mixed with fledgling spirit energy-related technologies, while Tenkai had been fielding demon-driven mechanical soldiers for centuries on end. By all rights, it should have been a lost cause. Given all the resources that he had at his command, we can only speculate as to why Tenkai never allowed his commanders to field more than two handfuls of Wakiji at any one time. Currently, the venerable Commander Yoneda's thoughts on the matter continue to be the most widely accepted theory:

"'I guess the dumb bastard couldn't count past ten.'"


- Excerpt from the 1977 edition of "Samurai Spirits: The History of the Flower Division," written by M. Sunnyside.

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Now that we've been handed the key to beating this level, it's time to--



NO, Kohran.



Alright, a quick rundown of the stage: it's basically three islands connected by series of docks. The Flower Division starts off on the rightmost island, Setsuna's located on the leftmost island, and the island in the middle is filled with Wakiji and, more annoyingly, obstacles.

It's a little harder to visualize than that, so here's a picture.



There are only two bridges to Setsuna's island, and the closest bridge, the one on the bottom, requires you to trigger that switch (the green square) with the super-heavy barrel (the dark yellow circle). The barrels (the dark grey circles) and the Wakiji (Mr. Not-Appearing-On-This-Map) are fucking everywhere.

This would be more relevant if there was actually a time limit or something to this stage. There isn't, so we're doing this my way: have a picnic while destroying everything in sight. But first, some housekeeping.



----
[Ogami]

N-no, Kanna, that wasn't meant to be "adorable and freakin' hilarious," I really AM serious about protecting-- if you'd just stop laughing and listen to me--

[Maria]

... I think Kanna's dislocated her own jaw from laughing, Ensign.

[Ogami]

...

[Maria]

Oh, stop pouting, Ensign. At this rate, she won't be able to stop laughing for HOURS.
----



Wind strategy, for speed!



And I send Ogami running to the top bridge. He'll help hit the switch.





Kanna Kirishima, probably one of the most brutal Koubu pilots on the entire team. She plays like a more extreme version of Sakura- pure melee, all offense, and paper armor.



Kanna's got a killer movement range, but more importantly, she's got the most useful skill in the brigade:


----


The ability to jump over any mech as if it weren't there. No getting stuck in a corner for HER!



No measly barrel will keep Kanna from her God-given duty of ripping and tearing. This, incidentally, makes her ideal for ruining the Wakiji's shit running interference before anyone else can get there.

----
[Kanna]

It's almost as if... as if this stage... it was made for me...

[Ogami]

K-Kanna?! Where are you going?! You're getting too close to the enemies!!
----



----
[Kohran]

Maria-han? What's wrong with Kanna?! She's blowin' all her spirit energy on a measly little Wakiji!!

[Maria]

Just stay back, Kohran. Once she gets into this mindset, there's no getting in her way.

[Kanna]

DRR... DRR... DRR... HURR, HURR, HURR.
----


----


"This'll hurt like hell when it hits!!"



"SUPER RINPAI!!"

----
[Ogami]

... o-oh my god... Kanna... Kanna's gone berserk...

[Maria]

Just try not to watch, Ensign.

[Ogami]

I-I never knew that Wakiji could cry like tha- wait, why's she getting out of her Koubu?

[Maria]

So that she can pulp its head with two of her index fingers?

[Ogami]

What? That can't be physically poss-

[Ogami]

Oh. Okay, so i-it IS possible. I think I'm going to vomit now.

[Maria]

In your own cockpit, Ensign? That wouldn't be very good, so try not to imagine her doing that to a human head.

[Ogami]

...... oh goddamn it, Mariurpihgblraghbbrragfgghbh.
----



----
[Ogami]

Y... you really don't want to know what I'M feeling right about now.
----



Kohran, not being Kanna, has to deal with this obstacle in a more conventional fashion.



Sure, we're doing all the work for the enemy, but no one cares about THAT.



The most sensible thing to do, of course, would be to wean Sakura of her addiction to Ogami by forcing them to remain separated.



----
[Sakura]

Oh, Ogami-san... even at this distance, I can smell your ambrosia-like scent. And that's wonderful.

[Ogami]

... um.
----

What? I said that that'd be the SENSIBLE thing to do.

----
[Sakura]

Oh dear, it looks like my Koubu's been damaged!

[Ogami]

... it looks fine to me? I mean, aside from the fact that you used your own sword to cut at your own Koubu's engine, but--

[Sakura]

Now I'll have to join Ogami-san in HIS Koubu and cuddle up with him so that I won't freeze to death.

[Ogami]

Wha...? Sakura, it's JUNE, I don't think--

[Sakura]

Whoops, looks like my clothes were damaged, too! Now I HAVE to go join you in your Koubu so that I won't freeze to death.

[Ogami]

... I'm going to need an adult. And five more restraining orders.
----








... fine, fine, I'll throw Maria in to act as her probation officer.



And with Sumire accompanying Kohran and Kanna, we've got three Koubu working on each avenue of entry.



[Sumire]

N... not at all. Who'd be worried about someone like you, Kanna-san...

[Kanna]

Heh heh heh heh! Well, that's just about what I'd expected~.

[Sumire]

Kiiiiiiii!! What is WITH that easy composure? Even though you're just a gorilla woman!

[Kanna]

Whoa, scary!! Right, let's get back to this battle. Seeya, cactus woman!

[Sumire]

Will you stop being so noisy?! ... honestly, you're just as irritating as ever!

... they bicker like an old married couple.



----
[Ogami]

Aah, I'll do my best!

[Kanna]

We're counting on you, Captain! The fate of the world is in your ha- snrkHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Ogami]

DAMMIT KANNA.
----



----
[Ogami]

... oh, those damn roadblocking barrels. So Setsuna's found a way to turn them against us, has he?!

[Setsuna]

... actually, they were like that when I got here.

[Ogami]

.... really?

[Setsuna]

Yes. Your government is actually made up of a bunch of sadistic voyeurs, which is why they transferred you into such a "secret brigade" and threw you into a ridiculously unlikely situation, where attractive women are always fighting over you and where your enemies are all idiots.
Since day one, you've been on candid camera, and people have been laughing at your exploits ever since.


[Ogami]

....

[Setsuna]

Also, I'm twelve years old. Kyaha~!

[Ogami]

I'll not be having any more of your filthy lies, demon!
----



Well, Kanna DID want me to take a guy down in one hit.



... and who am I to deny her?



....

There's just no pleasing everyone, is there.


----


Aww, isn't that cute? They're trying to block Kanna off with those barrels.



Y'know, as if those barrels have any chance of stopping her ruthless, bloody advance.


----


Aaaaand while Kanna's off crushing heads, Kohran keeps on trailblazing.


----

----


On the other side of the island, Sakura finally breaks through! Now she can actually get to the switch in a turn or so.



... at the cost of most of Sakura's life.


----


----
[Kanna]

You know, with how you bent time and space to protect me like that.

[Ogami]

HAH! Who's laughing now, bitch?!

[Kanna]

Whoa there, Captain, I think you're mistaken! We decided that SUMIRE's the bitch, remember?

[Sumire]

Wha- we decided no such thing!

[Kanna]

Yeah we did! When we were talking about the whole "dogs of the military" thing. Ain't that right, Captain?

[Ogami]

Hmmm, I see. You DO have a point there.

[Sumire]

DON'T BE SO EASILY CONVINCED!!
----


----


Meanwhile, Sakura continues getting her ass beaten down.


----


... while Ogami scrambles and dashes over to protect Kanna whenever SHE'S in danger of being attacked.

----
[Sakura]

Isn't this discrimination?

[Ogami]

In the great religious ritual of life, some of us are just destined to be the ones who are bloodily sacrificed to the gods, Sakura.

[Sakura]

... I'm just a sacrifice?

[Ogami]

The scientific term is "meatshield," Sakura.
----


----


----
[Kanna]

Hahaha... ow, my arm.

[Ogami]

O-oh my god, Sumire just cut through Kanna-- are you alright?!

[Kanna]

This wound? Don't worry, Ensign, it'll just go away if I eat enough meat!

[Ogami]

W-wait. Are you telling me that you can grow back ENTIRE LIMBS?!

[Maria]

... we ARE talking about a woman who swam god knows HOW far to reach the capital, Ensign.
----


----


And now Ogami, too, knows how it feels to be cockblocked.



Fine, I'll just go hang with Maria instead.

----
[Ogami]

... well, while I'm here, I'd better see what's the matter with Maria. Why'd she be late to something like that?

[Ogami]

But-- I might piss her off if I'm too blunt. Alright, I'd better be subtle about it and not rub it into her face.
----

[Ogami]

Maria... what happened back there? To think that you'd be late to an emergency meeting...

[Maria]

.............

----
[Ogami]

Fuck on a stick.
----

[Ogami]

Maria.....



----
[Maria]

No, and you're a dick for asking.

[Ogami]

Man, you thought THAT answer was bad? You should've seen my third answer choice.

[Maria]

Excuse me?

[Ogami]

You know... the little multiple-choice answer windows that pop up at the junction of every important decision?

[Maria]

...

[Ogami]

... don't you guys see the dialogue windows, too?

[Maria]

Dialogue-- ... ensign, what the hell are you talking about?

[Ogami]

N-nothing at all!

[Ogami]

... nothing at all.
----

[Ogami]

Is there something that's making you worry? If you'd like... I can become your strength.

[Maria]

......

[Ogami]

Maria....

[Maria]

Ensign... do you see dreams....?

[Ogami]

Eh...?

[Maria]

No... it's nothing. Thank you for your consideration...
Now then... closing communications.

[Ogami]

Maria.....



Well, now that Kanna's single-handedly cleared out half of the stage, we can come pretty close to wrapping this up.



"Ready your gun!"

"Ready your fists!"



Hells yeah, combination attack!!





NEXT TIME: Battle's Closed.
(ETA: Two Days)


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