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((UPDATE: PART 4/4))
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BATTLE #2 - VIDEO ----
Google Edition.
Youtube Edition - The video was too long for YouTube. 
I'll figure out some other alternative tomorrow.
Rapidshare.
"Toad Pimps!" "Yeah!" "Alright!"
~ Politoed, Poliwrath, and Croagunk
----
Alright, battle start!
As usual, we start out in some annoying little corner of the map; in order to actually GET to most of the Wakiji this time, we have to climb the hills.
The oddly square-shaped hills.
God bless you, illogical strategy JRPG terrain.
----
First order of business: fuck defense, I want to MOVE. Thus, the 'Wind' strategy.
After some deliberation, I decide to cover Sumire. Generally, it's probably smarter to cover whoever's fast enough to take point, but I wanted to play fast, not smart.
And then Ogami charged in and started smacking shit around while needlessly AND recklessly exposing himself to danger, as any intelligent leader should do. WHEE~!!
----
New blood! Kohran steps up to bat. Normally, her speed's around average, with Sakura outpacing her; apparently, her trust level's high enough to make her faster. Sure, her Koubu isn't nearly the orky monstrosity that I'd imagined, but Kohran more than makes up for it for a few good reasons:
Not only does she have range second only to Maria, but her NORMAL attack alone has a huge AOE far outstripping most anyone else.
... and besides, her normal attacks make me happy.
Pros: Kohran isn't all blushy and demure and disturbingly saccharine like Sakura is.
Cons:
Her straight-out, eager fanaticism more than makes up for it. SHE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, GUYS
ANYTHING 
ANYTHING 
ANYTHING 
ANYTHING 
But hey, them's the breaks! 
'Course, since Kohran's new blood, we get a slew of new conversations.
[Ogami]
Aah, it's doing pretty well.
[Kohran]
That's right, that's right! T' tell ya the truth... I was the one who put th' finishin' touches on yer Koubu, Ogami-han.
W-WHAT
OGAMI
GET OUT OF THERE
NOW
[Ogami]
Heeh, is that so.
WHY ARE YOU CALM, YOU'RE SITTING ON A HIGH-ORDINANCE EXPLOSIVE
[Kohran]
Yup. But since all we did was attach a horn t' yer Koubu, it was pretty simple.
----
[Ogami]
... so THAT'S why there's that ticking noise coming from my Koubu's horn.
----
[Kohran]
But c'mpared t' that... how's my Koubu! Don'cha think it's cool?!
[Ogami]
Let's see.....
ROBOTS 
[Ogami]
They're both cool. Piloting something like this has always been a dream of mine.
... you've spoken for all of us, Ogami. 
[Kohran]
Oh! So y'all DO understand!! It's all about slappin' one together an' runnin' around in it!
[Ogami]
Exactly! As expected, being able to ride something like this just gets my blood pumping...
[Kohran]
This's surely a woman's romance, right! Yup, yup... I think I'll get along with ya just fine, Ogami-han!!
[Ogami]
Hahahahaha.... actually, I think so too.
... so he IS into that kind of freaky mad-scientist S&M stuff?
[Kohran]
Also... jes' as you can see, my Koubu specializes in long-ranged attacks.
If it gets too far into th' fray, the Koubu'll probably get thrashed. I'm leavin' it in yer hands, captain-han!
Sakura's turn! For once, she's neutral and not crooning about Ogami 24/7 (just 18/7).
I decide to zoom out, check the terrain, and make sure I'm aware of the cannons' placement and range.
----
----
... cannons apparently have infinite range. Though their range tends to be narrow, it's all to easy to NOT notice that you've moved right in front of a cannon. And since they do about thirty or so damage to a happy pilot, taking them out is the first priority.
Sakura usually has point, mainly because she's almost always one of the first pilots to move. Her armor sort of blows, but you've already seen how useful her special attack is.
----
As usual, the grunts are faster than either Maria or Sumire, and everyone dogpiles Ogami immediately oh god why.
It's even worse because he takes the most damage out of everyone here, due to his horrid bonuses (as Glazius indeed pointed out). Ogami only got hit three times, and that's already 17 damage.
As comparison, another one hoses Sakura for five hits--
-- and does less damage.
Hell, everyone's going out of their way to attack Ogami, sometimes ignoring anyone else in range.
----
----
Naturally, she doesn't.
Sumire's in quite a good mood!
Hell, she's even able to go so far as to finish off what Maria started!
[Sumire]
Oh~ho ho ho! Ensign, did you see that?
----
[Ogami]
Gee, Sumire-kun, I dunno, it's not like you guys force me to WATCH and WAIT for you to finish moving before -I- ever get to do anything.
Like move.
----
Sumire's stuck right in front of the cannon, though, but--
----
[Ogami]
Wha--? How'd I get out here? I don't remember jumping all the way o- WAIT, SHIT, NO, FUCK YOU, PLAYER, FUCK YO--
----
----
[Ogami]
Waaaaaah!!
----
----
[Ogami]
W-whew, no damage done, AND I jumped back... Sumire-kun, are you alright?
----
----
[Ogami]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
HER BRAIN BROKE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
[Sumire]
lol, blush
[Ogami]
STOP THAT, YOUR FACE WAS NOT MADE FOR BLUSHING!
[Sakura]
Ogami-sa~n~
[Ogami]
DON'T YOU START TOO!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE--
[Iris]
Hi~, Oniichan~! Iris hacked into your comm line, so she'll be able to talk to you aaaaaaall battle~! Isn't that wonderful?!
[Ogami]
*EEEEEEEEhuuuuhEEEEEEEEhuuuuuuhEEEEEEEEEEhuuuuuh--*
-----
Once Ogami's hyperventilation spree was over, he was calm enough to keep going with the battle.
...
Naaaaaaah. You're on your own, Sakura. 
He decides to vent his frustration on some poor sap instead.
(On hindsight, all this electricity WOULD explain why Ogami's head looks like some porcupine from hell).
[Kohran]
As expected, it's all 'cause yer th' strongest one here!!
... actually, I'm reasonably sure that all evidence points in completely the opposite direction.
Oh, Kohran, you and your inexplicably mini-Koubu.
The cannon facing Ogami is destroyed in short order, "all for Ogami's sake!!!111one" (naturally). That's the first!
----
Sakura's "Ouka Houshin" hoses the second easily, and suddenly, it doesn't feel like there are a lot of enemies on the field anymore.
Why would I ever want to waste her spirit gauge for something that's NOT her final attack? 
[Sakura]
Day after day, this is the result of diligence!
... whatever you say, man. 
I personally think she's a little more frightening now that she's not channeling ALL of her fanatacism onto Ogami.
Maria ends her turn next to Kohran- looks like she's got something to say!
[Kohran]
I brought along one of my best inventions fer ya, Maria-han.
[Maria]
N, no... it's alright. It is the thought that counts, after all.
[Kohran]
Really? I thought it'd fit ya like a glove, since you were raised in Russia an' all...
... ?
[Maria]
(... it'll definitely explode. I cannot possibly accept her gift...)
As expected of the Flower Division's former leader (and/or anyone with half a brain), Maria knows her comrades inside and out.
[Kohran]
But y'know.... I'd gotten it done at long last, so...
[Maria]
It's alright!
[Kohran]
Izzat so.... well, can't be helped. Maybe I'll give it t' Ogami-han or somethin', then.
... I don't like where this conversation is heading. 
[Maria]
That's a wonderful idea. I'm sure it'll make him happy.
...
YOU TRAITOR 
[Kohran]
Really? If that's th' case, I'll give it t' him when the fight's over.
The conversation ends once Maria has doomed me to a fate most heinous.
As usual, nothing much happens on Sumire's turn. I just get her moving (which, thankfully, she can actually do! Hurrah!)
----
Ogami is much the same case. There are like... two grunts and two cannons left. What'd I tell you? We're blazing through this stage, no problem.
'Course, this is where the stage bogs down a bit, because I'm dead set on hearing most of the conversations before the stage's over.
Though she's still got gas in her engine, I end Kohran's turn next to Sumire.
[Sumire]
Hey, Kohran. From here on out, you shall be staying at theater for a long time, will you not?
[Kohran]
Yup, that's right. I'm finally finished with my work at th' Flower Mansion.
[Sumire]
Kohran. There is something I wish to consult with you about...
Might you be able to make my Koubu a bit more classy? For instance, by attaching something like peacock feathers.
...
Good god, Sumire would hold so much aggro that she'd start attracting incoming fire from battles that haven't even taken place yet.
[Kohran]
W, well... that'd be a cinch, but... would there any meanin' behind it?
[Sumire]
It would simply be for the sake of being classy. Budget would be no issue for this project, so I shall leave it up to you.
[Kohran]
Well.... I'll think 'bout it. However... don't be expectin' too much, now.
Sakura joins the group of chatting girls.
[Sakura]
Er, um.... Kohran. This is your first battle, right?
If there's anything you're not sure about, you can ask me anything you want.
[Kohran]
Thanks a bunch! 'n that case... can I ask ya jes' one thing?
'Bout Ogami-han.... how d'ya think of him?
[Sakura]
Eh.....?! Th, that's....
[Kohran]
Ahahahahaha! Sakura-han, yer so cute when y'all blush like that.
Welp, this kinda talk IS better suited fer th' middle o' the night, when it's just us girls.
FINALLY, someone who understands that we're in the middle of a fight!
[Kohran]
Also.... Ogami-han, listenin' in ain't th' best o' hobbies, ya know.
[Ogami]
Wha?!
[Sakura]
Kya!
[Kohran]
Ahahahahahahahaha!
I'm beginning to think that Kohran's starting to reach Iris-like levels of gleeful sadism.
----
Meanwhile, Maria takes out the trash with "Snowmaiden". Ah, Maria range, how I love you so. 
Although... oddly enough, her in-battle quotes don't actually change, even despite her higher-than-usual trust level.
----
One "Dance of the Butterfly" later...
Yes, Sumire, I saw you and all of your magnificent wealth, virtue, beauty, etc. and your sublime asskicking because I'm standing right behind you, so get on with it already
... they start having a conversation over the mangled remains of the poor Wakiji that they'd just slaughtered.
[Sumire]
I simply cannot believe that it became such a mess, even though I put on my best performance.
That the set would get destroyed during the play itself... what an unprecedented disaster!
[Ogami]
Uhm....
....
We're in the middle of a freaking battle and you're still hung up about that stupid thing?
NO HOLDS BARRED!!
[Ogami]
Don't dwell on the past! If you're truly our top star, you should always keep your eyes facing the future!!
[Sumire]
Eh.....?
[Ogami]
Today over yesterday! Tomorrow over today! To keep one's gaze fixed upon what tomorrow may bring- isn't that what a top star should be doing?!
What truly frightens me is how Ogami can go from 'baffled idjit' to 'inspiriational speaker' in the blink of an eye.
[Sumire]
I have been mistaken.... it is just as you say, Ensign....
Thank you very much. I feel more unburdened, somehow! Now then, good afternoon!!
....
Although cruel fate has denied our naturally-talented Ogami from ever participating in the stage, he should totally become Sumire's agent.
Soon enough, it's time to unleash Kohran's final attack! It's no AOE, but it's certainly strong enough.
... incidentally, I think its AOE is shaped like a cogwheel. Just as Maria's is shaped something like a snowflake.
----
The commander looked over his milling soldiers, his heart swelling with pride at the sight of so many gleaming metallic bodies. "We don't have much time before we're set to launch, men, so I want you to listen closely. I've just got a few more things I want to say to you today, and that'll be that," he growled.
----
"San!" (Three!)
----
"This is the day that you've all been waiting for," the commander continued, pacing back and forth. "Everything you've been put through has all been leading up to this one moment. Everything that you've been taught has been for the sake of this day."
He swept his gaze across the chamber. "I'm not going to lie to you: war is hell. Most of you will get injured. Why, there's a slim chance that some of you won't even make it back alive, if you don't listen. Before this day, you were nothing but maggots, crawling up the ranks. But now..."
----
"Er!" (Two!)
----
"... now, you can finally call yourselves soldiers, and by golly, you're the finest soldiers I've ever had the pleasure of working with." The commander's normally gruff voice was tight with emotion. "You're the cream of the crop, the front of the pack... the best of the best. Each and every one of you knows your stuff, whether or not you were built to fulfill that role."
----
"Yi!" (One!)
----
"The Mistress gave us our metal forms, building us with her bare hands!" The commander roared, caught up in his soldiers' swelling patriotic frenzy. "The Mistress gave us sentience! And most importantly... the Mistress gave us LIFE!! And now, men, it's time to show her our love, and to repay the favor!"
----
"Gu~!" (Zero!)
----
"In the name of the Imperial Assault Force, the Grand Imperial Theater, and the Mistress herself... go out there and destroy those who would threaten the peace!!" The commander leaned forward, his cigar clenched between the edges of his steel jaws. "Now tell me, soldiers, who are you?!"
Their answer, roared as one, was drowned out by the thundering of the cannons- and of the divinely accented voice of the Mistress herself.
----
"Chibi-Robo Army, FIRE!!"
----
As one, the brave soldiers of the Chibi-Robo Army poured forth and surrounded the enemy, ready to utterly annihilate the "Fire Arrow". Lasers were charged, shoops were prepared to be wooped, and claws were made ready to rend their unfortunate opponent to pieces.
"Stay alert!" The commander roared, his optical lenses glittering in the light. "The Mistress shall guide us onwards to victory, men! With the blessing of our creator herself, none of us shall die today!!"
--
[Kohran]
Kill yourselves!
--
There was a horrified silence. Did the divine Mistress, the giver of life, just tell them to....?
"Wh... why would you ask that of us?" asked the commander, his voice quavering with a mixture of fear and disbelief. "Mistress, don't you lov-"
--
[Kohran]
Huh, that's weird, they ain't workin' right. Ah well, manual override, GO~!!
--
--
[Ogami]
. . .
[Kohran]
Hm? What's wrong, Ogami-han?
[Ogami]
Good god, Kohran, are your droids SCREAMING FOR MERCY?
[Kohran]
I think so! Guess I shouldn't've given 'em sentience, huh.
[Ogami]
Kohran, I'm sorry, but you've got to come up with some other final attack. This is utterly horrifying.
[Kohran]
Well, if y'all insist, Ogami-han. Every nook and cranny!
[Ogami]
Wh-what?
[Kohran]
Every nook and cranny~!
[Ogami]
Y-you wouldn't possibly-
[Kohran]
E~very~ no~ok and cra~~~nny~~~!
[Ogami]
... nevermind, carry on with your final attack.
[Kohran]
Attaboy, captain-han~!
----
----
[Maria]
... is the Ensign -sobbing-?
[Kohran]
Don't worry 'bout it, Maria-han, he's jes' overjoyed that I'm gonna give him the gift that I was gonna give t' ya, that's all.
----
----
[Maria]
... he's crying for his mother.
[Kohran]
Ogami-han's jes' hit by nostalgia, that's all! Nostalgia fer th' days when he was innocent t' the meanin' of every nook and cranny!
[Ogami]
--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--
[Kohran]
Ahahahahaha... aw, man, I love bein' me.
[Maria]
. . .
----
Fearful of being crushed by such disturbing opponents, the Wakiji made a desperate run for it.
Unfortunately for the Wakiji, Ogami was there.
Deprived of most of his sanity, Ogami's subconscious channeled all of his raw terror into one outlet.
HUNT THEM. HUNT THEM DOWN.
NEXT UPDATE: Boss!
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