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... well, I guess absolutely nothing came out of that last "oh no! Ogami and Ayame were conversing like relatively normal human beings!" scene, so it's nighttime now.
[Ogami]
A lot of stuff happened today... maybe I'll try and sort it all out...
Yes, you're reading it correctly: the game is actually trying to recap the recapped information it force-fed us less than five minutes worth of gameplay ago.
I'm going to spare you guys this repetition and sum it up for you in two seconds:
1) Kouma are bad. We can't feed them the Majinki.
2) Sakura-Papa had the power of the Destroyer of Evil. Sakura does too. Papa is dead, can't teach her.
3) Sacred Demon's Castle was sealed four hundred years ago, demons want it back, gonna use the Majinki to DO THINGS AT IT.
Once you finish with the above three, you get this wonderful little thing. As that can go fuck itself, we're going skip straight to the nightly ro-
KNOCK KNOCK
----
Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN!
[Maria]
Captain...
[Ogami]
W... what's wrong?
[Ogami]
N-No... t-that is...
[Maria]
It's... the type of thing you cannot reveal to me, isn't it.
[Ogami]
No, um... that's wrong!
----
[Ogami]
... Maria, why're you beating around the bush and forcing me into arguments that I couldn't possibly win?
[Maria]
Don't change the subject, Captain! Now-
[Ogami]
No, I mean, why are you even bothering to ask? Why aren't you just shooting at my non-essential organs? You're really scaring me, Maria...
[Maria]
... look, Captain, the rest of the Flower Division is outside, and they wouldn't let me go to bed unless we have what they call "the mandatory lover's tiff." Just act and play along.
[Ogami]
I... um, okay, but there's really not going to be a lot of acting on my part.
----
[Ogami]
Wh-what should I do!?
Well, on one hand, Ogami can bungle up and reveal a classified top-secret piece of information and suffer the wrath of EVERYONE RANKED HIGHER THAN HIM (and possibly doom Japan), or he can utterly fail at lying and suffer the wrath of the super psychic-ish woman standing right in front of him (and possibly doom Japan).
... or he could take the wishy-washy route and waffle more than a breakfast house that needs to dispose of its glut of maple syrup.
[Ogami]
U~m... well, you know...
----
[Maria]
In that case, as your superior in the Flower Division, I ORDER you to tell me what is going on!
[Ogami]
... Maria, I outrank you.
[Maria]
I... oh. I apologize. It's very easy to forget that detail sometimes.
[Ogami]
I really wish I could feel offended instead of resigned.
----
MEANWHILE!
----
----
----
[Ogami]
Guys, I can hear you right through the walls.
[Kohran]
Yup, that Ogami-han sure is a womanizin' creep, ain't he? Ah never thought Ah'd see th' day.
[Sumire]
Honestly, he's an enemy to all women! Not that I expected anything more of the Ensign.
[Ogami]
Um, guys...
[Kanna]
Oh, we totally heard you the first time!
[Ogami]
Oh, that's... um, that's cool, then.
----
And with that, the night passes uneventfully.
I SAID, THE NIGHT PASSES- wait, the plot might actually be moving!
[Ayame]
Where are we going... I don't... I don't even know...
----
Somehow, this is the face I imagine Ayame making when she gets permission to roll out the ridiculous cannon blimp.
Or the Rolling Thunder.
Or any other high ordinance piece of equipment that she gets to pilot faster than Yoneda yells "OOH OOH SHOTGUN SHOTGUN I TOTALLY CALLED IT FIRST."
[???]
Now, what could possibly be troubling you? Hmhmhm...
And that's... just mildly worrisome.
[Ayame]
Who on Earth... are you...?
[???]
Hmhmhm... me? Have you honestly forgotten?
[Ayame]
Eh?
[???]
Hmhmhm...
----
[Ayame]
You're just going to... feed me vague lines... all night, aren't you.
[???]
...
[???]
You'll understand soon enough. Hmhmhm...
[Ayame]
Oh, you BITCH.
----
----
WOW, we have a singularly horrible security system in our theater. I mean, look at him! He's standing right on the goddamn weathervane!
[Satan]
Hmhmhm... just a little longer.
[Satan]
Fallen Demon "Shika"... you are present, aren't you?
[Shika]
Yes!
[Satan]
Sortie your forces. Wreak havoc amongst those meddlesome little girls until the most powerful Fallen Demon awakens!
----
[Shika]
The most powerful... um, sir, I'm already awake.
[Satan]
...
[Satan]
Would you like me to change that state of affairs, Shika?
[Shika]
... j-just trying to insert a little office humor here, sir.
[Satan]
Oh, no, Shika, I insist. I can make it so that you'll never have to worry about insomnia or anything of the sort ever again.
[Shika]
Really, sir?
[Satan]
Yes, Shika. By killing you.
----
[Shika]
Wreak havoc... yes, acknowledged!
[Satan]
The red moon... and then darkness... and destruction.
A truly fitting overture for a new world.
... you know, I'm pretty sure that most emo twelve year old kids could do a better job expressing their feelings than this chump.
Sure, they'd just write "pitch dark blackness of the obsidian depths of my heart plunged in the ebony darkness of black despair" over and over again, but at least they'd be TRYING.
MEANWHILE!!
[Ayame]
I don't know... something has...
----
----
MEANWHILE, AGAIN!
[Ayame]
What will become of me...?
[Satan]
Now!
----
[Satan]
...
[Satan]
Now!
[Satan]
...
[Satan]
Aaaaany second now.
----
[Ayame]
Exactly... who AM I...?
MEANWHILE!!
[Ogami]
... hm?
----
[Ogami]
A-Ayame-san... what's wrong?
[Ayame]
Uu... kh... urgh!
[Ogami]
A-Ayame-san! What's the matter! Are you alright!?
[Ayame]
U... uuu...
[Ogami]
W-What's- uwah!
[Ogami]
U-Uwah! ... grk, gh!
----
[Ogami]
I-I'll... take that as a yes, then...!
----
[Ayame]
Ugggggh... gghhhk...
----
[Ogami]
And you might... have lost your ability... to actually speak, but that could just... be a That Time Of Month thing, like... Kanna...?
[Ayame]
MRGLEBRGHLE.
----
[Ogami]
A... Ayame-san! Hrk...
G... gwah! A-Ayame-sa...
Gh... gah... I-I can't breathe...
Ayame-san... please , stop...
[Ogami]
Kh... I-I can't... such strength...!
----
[Ogami]
(I know I'm getting horribly strangled and might end up falling unconscious due to air loss, but dammit, I'll probably get into shitloads of trouble even though this would be a perfectly good time to exercise my right to self-defense!)
----
[Ogami]
A... Ayame-san... please... stop...
[Ayame]
Gasp...!
[Ogami]
N... no... *cough*... I-I'm alright... More importantly... what in the world was that?
----
[Ogami]
If you REALLY had to choke a bitch, couldn't you have just sought out Sumire-kun or someone...?
[Ayame]
Her bitchiness ratio has been steadily decreasing over the past few months, so it's been-
[Ayame]
- er, I mean, no, that's a horrible thing to suggest, Ogami-kun.
[Ogami]
... look, I KNOW you were thinking it too, ma'am.
----
Wait, what? Have all those countless months of dogged persistence in the face of cockblocking finally paid o-
... well, okay, so Ogami might be able to appreciate this sort of situation more if she wasn't on the verge of going completely apeshit insane.
[Ogami]
Eh...?
[Ayame]
I beg you... hurry...!!
----
[Ogami]
I never thought that I'd ever REFUSE a request like that, but, um, if I DO hug you, won't that just put me in range of your strangling hands?
[Ayame]
...
[Ogami]
O-Okay, then, um, could you at least make some sort of warranty that you WON'T strangle me?
[Ayame]
Just shut up and do it while I still have some sort of grasp on my sanity, Ogami-kun.
[Ogami]
Wait, you had sanity in the first pla-
[Ogami]
Er, I mean, 'kay.
----
----
[Ayame]
Please... more tightly...
[Ogami]
A-Ayame-san...
[Ayame]
Uu...
MEANWHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----
[Maria]
(... not that I'm actually curious or anything. And it's not as if I would be so clingy or Sakura-like psychotic as to follow him or spy on him or anything.)
[Maria]
(I mean, it's not as if the Captain's sudden ability to keep SECRETS from us means that he has finally grown a pair. And even if he DOES suddenly have a spine, it's not as if he has months of repressed angst, abuse, and other semi-psychotic feelings that might cause him to lash out at those who he thinks are responsible for everything bad that's happened to him since he's entered this theater.)
[Maria]
...
----
[Maria]
(If I recall correctly, the Captain should be in the basement for his nightly rounds...)
DUN dun DUUUUUUUUUUUN!! The horror! The... something.
... you know, I'd be a lot more willing to accept this kind of plot twist if it weren't for the fact that this scene is copy-pasted for all the heroines. Meaning that they all react pretty much the same way.
Yes, even Kanna, who probably wouldn't bother hiding behind a corner. Hell, she'd probably just walk around the corner going "HEY GUYS WHAT'S GOING ON HERE LET'S KUNG-FU FIGHT".
Or Sakura, who would School Days our asses so fast that the game wouldn't even have TIME to roll out any nice boats.
Or, god forbid, Iris, who'll probably add another theater and a couple thousand more innocent civilians to her tally of utterly destroyed objects.
[Maria]
Captain!? What in the world...
KLAXONS!
[Maria]
Wha- enemies!? What...
----
[Maria]
... an unnecessarily forced plot twist to avoid the inevitable confrontation between me and the Captain over this equally contrived piece of romantic drama!
----
[Maria]
... Captain...
And then she walks away. Never mind the fact that Ogami and Ayame should have been able to hear her talking in an empty hallway, at least before the KLAXONS! went off.
[Ogami]
Ayame-san!
[Ogami]
Ayame-san... what in the world was that? Are you okay?
----
[Ayame]
... Ogami-kun, being crazy enough to STRANGLE you might count as 'okay' on some freakish alien planet. This is EARTH.
[Ogami]
It's also the IMPERIAL THEATER. It's REALLY not that hard to believe that the Flower Division might spontaneously decide to make today "Let's All Strangle The Fuck Out Of Ichiro Ogami Day!"
[Ayame]
We wouldn't do anything like that, Ogami-kun! That's in SEPTEMBER.
[Ogami]
... you're not really helping your case, ma'am.
----
[Ayame]
I'm sorry, Ogami-kun... right now... more importantly... hurry... the enemy...!
[Ogami]
B-But... Ayame-san.
[Ogami]
Ayame-san...
[Ogami]
Yes, ma'am...
Well, if she goes off the deep end again, it's not like she'll end up strangling anyone IMPORTANT. Except possibly Yoneda, but it's not as if he's needed for the theater to actually FUNCTION.
[Ayame]
O-Ogami-kun... take this...
[Ayame]
If... if something were to happen to me, do not hesitate- take that gun and shoot me!
[Ogami]
W-What do you mean!?
----
[Ayame]
... look, Ogami-kun, we do NOT have time for a tutorial on how to use a pistol.
[Ogami]
No, I... I know how to use a gun, Ayame-san. And even if I DIDN'T, you KNOW that the demons are usually nice enough to hold off the attack until I learn. Like that first time I piloted a Koubu.
----
[Ogami]
W-What do you mean, an order...? Why would it come to...
----
[Ayame]
I can't count on anyone else being stupid enough to actually follow that order to the letter.
[Ogami]
I... thank you, ma'am.
[Ayame]
Or stupid enough to do so and risk the eternal wrath of everyone else in the Flower Division.
[Ogami]
YES, ma'am, I know.
----
[Ayame]
Now go on, Ogami-kun!
[Ogami]
A-Ayame-san...
[Ogami]
Y-Yes'm!
And he runs off, leaving Ayame all alone with her impending crazy.
----
[Ayame]
... that's wrong. ... that's wrong... that's wrong!
----
[Satan]
(Are you crazy yet now?)
[Ayame]
(... no.)
[Satan]
(How about now?)
[Ayame]
(Nnnnope, still not feeling itHARGLEBLARGH.)
[Satan]
(Yay!)
[Ayame]
(... false alarm.)
[Satan]
(Oh for the love of- look, I'm going to go see if I can't do something about this goddamn cloud cover that's blocking the whole "red moon driving you crazy" thing and move the plot along. I'll be right back.)
----
NEXT TIME: The future of enemy spawning... has arrived!
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