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[Yoneda]
Alright, now, everything we've been talking about is among the Army's most closely-guarded secrets. You are not to say a word of it to anyone else.
The only ones who can open this vault are me and Ayame-kun.
So that guy is definitely gonna attack this place! Prepare yourself!
[Ogami]
Yessir...
[Yoneda]
I think you get it already, but... the theater's true mission is to protect the Majinki from those with evil ambitions!
I want you and Ayame-kun to strengthen the defenses in the areas surrounding the Majinki.
[Ogami]
Understood!
[Yoneda]
Again, what we've been talking about here is our country's most closely-guarded secret.
'Course, you're not to mention it to any outsiders- not even to anyone in the Flower Division itself!
... got it?
[Ogami]
Yessir!
----
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
Wait, but Kohran has listening devices set up all over the theater. And also in my organs and various orifices.
[Yoneda]
Don't worry! We've set up some failproof countermeasures that'll counter her listening devices!
[Ogami]
Holy shit, you guys thought ahead for once! How do you know that this counter is failproof?
[Yoneda]
'Cause we told Kohran that we'd be talking about top-secret stuff and asked her to build it!
[Ogami]
... please give me back my moment of pleasant surprise, sir.
----
And then it's time for the play!
[Iris]
Just a little bit more and we will finally reach the treasure after a long struggle~!
Spoken in the most over-the-top ham-fisted voice EVER.
[Kohran]
Be careful! There are traps! Please follow the directions I will be giving to you as you walk!
[Iris]
O~ka~y!
[Kohran]
First, three steps to your left, four steps to your right, and seven steps straight ahead...
[Kohran]
- is where y'all probably SHOULDN'T be walkin'.
WHONK
AND THE CROWD GOES WILD.
...
SOME TIME LATER:
----
----
[Iris]
... Iris had no idea that we're allowed to break so many child protection / violence / labor laws for the sake of a few cheap laughs!
[Maria]
Anything goes in government-sponsored theatrical productions, Iris.
----
----
[Kohran]
He ain't here? Ah wonder what's keepin' him.
It really says a lot about Ogami's position in the hierarchy when no one notices that he's been missing for THE ENTIRE PLAY until they need a bitch an errand boy. 
[Maria]
... he went down to the basement... with Ayame-san?
----
----
MEANWHILE!
[Ayame]
... a trap? But what kind?
[Ogami]
That's right... maybe we can make it so that a bathpan falls from the ceiling! I'm sure it'll be hilarious.
[Ogami]
... I'm sorry.
[Ayame]
Hmhmhm...
[Ogami]
Ha... hahaha...
[Ayame]
Hmhmhm... you're really quite interesting, Ogami-kun...
[Ogami]
I-I wasn't really meaning it to be a joke...
[Ayame]
It must be nice, Ogami-kun... your heart always seems so relaxed.
[Ogami]
Eh...?
----
[Ayame]
... and the fact that your heart is relaxed enough to make a mockery out of everything we stand to lose in war.
[Ogami]
I-I said I was sorry about the bathpan idea!!
----
[Ogami]
Ayame-san...
Yes, this is actually about what she said.
... no, I don't know if this is supposed to reflect the misogynistic mindset of the era or if this is just another "OH, JAPAN" moment.
[Ogami]
That's not true at all! I think that... you're fine the way you are, Ayame-san!
I really look up to you as a person.
[Ayame]
Hmhm... thank you. From here on out, you should stay the way you are as well, Ogami-kun.
[Ogami]
Eh, um... y-yes.
[Ayame]
Oh my, your face... you've got some oil on it.
[Ogami]
Ah, it's fine! I'll do something about it myself!!
----
[Ogami]
Or... okay, I guess I'm NOT doing something about it myself.
----
[Ayame]
No need to be polite! In this day and age, a gentleman must be aware of his appearance at all times.
----
[Ogami]
But-
[Ayame]
I always carry around a handkerchief reserved just for you...
[Ogami]
Wha- really?
[Ayame]
... to clean up the messes you inevitably leave behind whenever you fail at communicating with the girls and end up leaving your organs all over the theater.
[Ogami]
... oh.
[Ayame]
Honestly, Ogami-kun, don't worry about it! Just go back to thinking those weird and creepy thoughts you get whenever I come into close contact with you.
----
[Ogami]
(She smells good, as usual...)
[Ayame]
When we first me... I also did something like this for you, didn't I?
[Ogami]
... ah, that's right. But after that, Sakura-kun was really angry at me...
[Ayame]
Hmhm.
[Ogami]
Ahahaha.
And I'm sure history couldn't POSSIBLY repeat itself in such a trite manner!
[Ayame]
But you know... having comrades you can believe in are very fortunate things to have.
[Ayame]
... but you only truly realize that when you lose someone very important to you.
[Ogami]
... Ayame-san?
[Ogami]
S-Sorry!
[Ayame]
It's alright. You're an honest person, Ogami-kun.
[Ogami]
I-I see...
[Ayame]
It's important to make sure that you're not deceiving yourself.
[Ogami]
T-That's not the case at all.
----
[Ogami]
... I kind of wish I COULD deceive myself into believing that I won't eventually end up a series of messy bloodstains splashed across the inside of the theater.
----
[Ogami]
Ayame-san...?
[Ogami]
Eh, no, I... pleaes don't make me blush like that...
DUN dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
[Maria]
...!
[Sumire]
That look on the Ensign's face... it seems that he is stupefied with love.
[Kanna]
Ouch, that's one dopey-looking face alright.
[Kohran]
Aw no, Ogami-han's with one o' th' highest grade of flowers here in the theater.
[Iris]
Oniichan's all lovestruck and uncool~!
[Maria]
...
----
[Everyone]
...
[Maria]
... why are you all looking at me like that?
[Kanna]
Maria, your man-slave might be cheating on you! Can't you be a LITTLE more worked up 'bout all this!?
[Maria]
This is hardly an earth-shattering revelation. He makes mushy faces at Ayame at least three times per day.
[Sakura]
An average of four-point-eight times per day over a period of thirty days, actually. Ten-point-one times depending on how stressed he is.
[Sumire]
Still! Do the Ensign's actions not fill your heart with the righteous anger of a maiden who has been unjustly wronged on the battlefield of love?
[Maria]
... first of all, there's really no love involved. Secondly, we're both perfectly rational adul- I'M a perfectly rational adult and he's too spineless to really know any better. Finally, I'm sure that we will be able to resolve any difficulties because of the aforementioned 'perfectly rational adult(s)' thing, so we're NOT needlessly turning this into a romantic drama.
[Iris]
...
[Iris]
Kick his ass, Maria!!
[Maria]
... sigh.
----
NEXT TIME: Needless romantic drama!
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