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Last time on Sakura Wars!
[Ogami]
The three that remain will stay here and hold off the enemy!
(OMITTED FOR AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF BICKERING AND JOCKEYING)
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[Ogami]
(Alright, I think I've got this figured out. Or at least as figured out as it's ever going to get. All that's left is to break the news to everyone.)
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
(Man, you'd THINK that killing Tenkai would be the HARD part, but nooOOOooo, everyone's got to be the damn hero and accompany us into the final battle... *grumblegrumblegrumble*)
[Ogami]
... right, might as well get started.
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[Ogami]
(Kohran... I have a feeling that I'm going to need her for her ability to
apply science to everything and everyone, regardless of whether or not they actually want it.)
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[Ogami]
Thank you, Kohran. I'd feel more confident if you came along.
[Kohran]
Wh-What's with ya, Ogami-han. Ya don't gotta be so formal... you're makin' me blush.
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[Ogami]
... Kohran, I'm not being formal, I just want you for your explosions, woman.
[Kohran]
Aww, lookit you, there ya go again! Y'all sure know how to sweet-talk a girl.
[Ogami]
I'm not sweet-talking anyone, I'm choosing each member of this attack team based on the fact that we have to stop a maddened demonic magistrate from extracting his horribly planned revenge against us.
[Kohran]
T' be fair, Ogami-han, this IS 'bout as romantic as I've ever heard you get.
[Ogami]
Wait, I-- I'm not THAT hopeless, am I?
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[Kohran]
... anyways, Ah'm gonna do my best t' live up t' your expectations!
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[Ogami]
(Kanna doesn't KNOW the meaning of restraint or overkill, which is just what we need at a time like this. If I left her on defense, they'd probably run out of enemies to kill and start carving their way through Tenkai's base regardless, so I'd better just cut to the chase.)
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[Ogami]
Of course. We're fighting together. You're easily worth a hundred men, Kanna.
[Kanna]
Aah, leave it to me! I'll definitely protect you, Captain!
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[Ogami]
Um... I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself. Seriously.
[Kanna]
Psh, well, yeah, but I bet you couldn't protect yourself so hard that every enemy in a fifty-yard radius explodes, huh?
[Ogami]
... y'know, Kanna, there IS a point of violence past which the word "protect" ceases to have any meaning whatsoever.
[Kanna]
Well, you just let me know when someone devises a more efficient way. Meanwhile, it's punching time.
[Ogami]
... right, can't argue with that. Moving on.
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[Ogami]
(Sumire-kun... she's certainly reliable, albeit in the same way that you can always rely the Earth to take its damn sweet time to circle around the sun. She'll probably do better on defense.)
----
[Ogami]
This may be kind of tough for you, but... you're staying here, Sumire-kun.
[Sumire]
... I understand. The lead performer is, of course, the last one to appear on-stage. I shall remain here.
----
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
Holy shit, you're not angry?
[Sumire]
Of course not, you silly fool. You have given me the greatest opportunity an actress could ever ask for-- a chance to make a dramatic last-minute appearance!
[Sumire]
Is it not the heroine's responsibility to save her bumbling allies? Is it not the heroine's prerogative to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat? Is it not--
[Ogami]
I GET IT, SUMIRE.
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[Ogami]
(And finally... Maria.)
[Ogami]
...
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[Ogami]
(... somehow, it won't be the same without Maria ragging at me for being a horrible human being and an even horribler more horrible Captain. Besides, I'd feel better with her along for the ride-- at least ONE of us needs to know what we're doing.)
----
[Ogami]
Right, let's go, Maria.
[Maria]
Yessir! We will definitely come back alive!
----
[Ogami]
Exactly! Preferably without any horribly disfiguring injuries or missing limbs or shattered minds or the Imperial Capital burning down around our ears or eeeeeEEEEEEEEEE--
[Maria]
Deep breaths, Captain.
[Ogami]
... thanks, Maria.
[Maria]
I'm sure that the worst thing that could happen is that you will be taken out of commission before we even REACH Tenkai. However, that's a perfectly acceptable risk.
[Ogami]
Th... thanks, Maria.
[Maria]
Though quite frankly, if you're inept enough to get defeated by Tenkai, then we are probably better off without your leadership getting in the way of our--
[Ogami]
THANK YOU, MARIA.
----
[Ogami]
The rest of you will stay behind and hold back the enemy!
----
[Ogami]
(And as far as I'm concerned, Sakura and Iris can go off and...)
[Ogami]
(... go... do whatever it is that characters that no one cares about go off and do, I dunno.)
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[Sakura]
Understood. Ogami-san, show Tenkai who's boss.
[Iris]
Oniichan... you definitely won't lose!
KER-DRAMATICS!
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----
[Ogami]
...
[Maria]
Aren't you going to comment on the fact that the door to the Hive of Darkness's base was in plain view, and, in fact, opens up to a main street?
[Ogami]
No, it'd be too easy.
[Kanna]
Look, they even have a little mailbox and everything. 'Hive of Darkness Main Base, Demon Road, Nihonbashi'--
[Ogami]
Too easy.
[Kohran]
... yeah, I don't really think that there IS anythin' left t' poke fun at, here. It'd be like boasting about being able t' beat th' unholy daylights out of a quadriplegic snake, y'know?
[Ogami]
Too--
[Ogami]
... what the fuck, Kohran?
[Maria]
Captain, we have less than twenty minutes left. Can we get a move on already?
[Ogami]
Oh. Right. Well, into the breach, troops! And don't forget to wipe your Koubu's feet on the welcome mat that Tenkai so thoughtfully provided us.
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NEXT TIME: A quick filler! Then a battle.
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