<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index



Yeeeawright, so we've had our little party-preparation scenes with Sumire, Maria, and Iris.



... and going by most JRPGs, the event won't start until we've helped and/or talked to the remaining cast. It's time to track down the remaining three two people.



[Kanna]

As expected, it's too heavy for me to carry by myself...


----
[Ogami]

...

[Kanna]

What?

[Ogami]

Sorry, I was kinda waiting for the world to collapse under the weight of the biggest untruth ever devised by mankind. Carry on.

[Kanna]

Right, fine, lemme rephrase that: I COULD carry this by myself if I just sorta slung it across a shoulder, but you guys are all so touchy about things like "breaking doorways" and "punching walls to make new doors."

[Ogami]

Ha ha ha, now THAT'S the Kanna that I've come to know and fear! Now let's see if I can h--

[Kanna]

Actually, I don't think I need your help, I might be able to get this table up to ground level if I just hurled it up through the ceiling--

[Ogami]

That, that's enough, Kanna, I get it now.

----



Haha! Even Kanna is human and needs help, of COURSE Ogami's going to help because women are totally helpless without A MAN he's a cool guy.

[Ogami]

Would you like me to help?




----
[Ogami]

... really? I mean, you're easily worth ten men, so I don't see how--


[Kanna]

'Course! Hammering implements, stretchers, wheely things...


[Ogami]

That makes even less sense, it's not like men are the only ones able to USE tools. I mean, a woman like YOU could easily pick up a tool and--


[Kanna]

What? Naw, I'm talking about all the tools you can get just by breaking a man down to his component bits an' jury-rigging them together.


[Ogami]

Ah?


[Kanna]

Y'know, scraps of meat, bloody bones, that sort of thing.


[Ogami]

... ah.


[Kanna]

See, it's amazing what you can do just by breaking off a leg bone and tying it to a ribcage with the poor bastard's intestines and--


[Ogami]

I get it, Kanna.

----

[Kanna]

Okay. Let's pick this thing up. One, and two, and--


CRACK!

[Ogami]

Hup! ... alright, let's go up slowly.


----
[Kanna]

Captain, did you break something just by helping me lift this table?

[Ogami]

Don't worry, it's just my spine, the damn thing breaks so often that I'm used to not being able to stand up for myself anymore.

[Ogami]

... I think there's a metaphor here somewhere. Anyway, let's get going before my muscles start getting starved of oxygen.

----

Five minutes later:



[Kanna]

Oh, I'm doing fine. How about you, Captain, are you alright?


[Ogami]

(As... as expected from Kanna. She doesn't even bat an eyelid from carrying such a heavy table.)


Ogami was caught between admitting to the sheer pain coursing through his strained muscles and trying to put on a brave face for the sake of his ego for Kanna's sake. Talk about one hell of a dilemm--



And then Iris appears, saving Ogami a whole lot of trouble!

... wait.

[Ogami]

H, hi, Iris.




----
[Ogami]

P... please d--


[Iris]

O~kay, I'll begin by rewriting reality to change the weight and mass of this table into something trivially light!


[Ogami]

That's... um. Side effects?


[Iris]

Oh, nothing now, Oniichan, but in a few decades the psychic backlash will probably turn the Earth inside-out as it tries to compensate for--

----



----
[Iris]

You never let me have any fun, Oniichan.

[Ogami]

Maybe, just maybe, if you changed your definition of "fun," I'll consider it.

----

[Kanna]

As expected of the Captain! You're a real strong guy, aren't you.


----
[Ogami]

Will you please stop snickering whenever you try to compliment me!?

[Kanna]

I-I'm trying! I really am, I just pffffft.

----

[Ogami]

Just... just leave it to me. Haha... hahahaha...




[Ogami]

Right... let's move this table while my endurance can still handle-- er, I mean, while the day's still young!


Suddenly, a scene shift! Because the directors decided against showing Ogami cursing and whimpering during those last few yards to the dressing room.



[Iris]

Ehehehehe... Iris did her best, too!


----
[Ogami]

You, uh, kind of didn't do jack sheist.

[Kanna]

Yeah, I was wondering about that-- why didn't you let Iris help?

[Ogami]

Well... the entire reason was because I didn't want to look bad in front of you. Y'know, having to get help from a girl half my age and all.

[Kanna]

What? Naw, I wasn't in any position to laugh at that! I mean, I was having to get help from YOU, after a--

[Kanna]

-- er, wait, forget I said that.

[Ogami]

I... you rank "getting help from me" as being just as embarrassing as "getting help from a little kid"?

[Kanna]

Actually, it's a little MORE embarrass-- Er, yeah, they're equally embarrassing! Aha, ahahaha...

[Iris]

Stop crying, Oniichan, that's not helping.

[Ogami]

I-I'm not crying, I just have an allergy stuck in my eye which is watering because u-uwaaahaaahaaah.

----

[Ogami]

Good work, both of you. The preparations seem to be going pretty well. Now then... let's see what's next.




Fun fact: you don't see Kanna again for the remainder of this section.



... and god knows where Iris flits off to.

Right then, we've got one more pilot to help before the party is set to start.



Once again, Ogami states that he's outside Kohran's room. And then he knocks.

I'm not converting that into screenshots because it would be a waste of valuable interwebs space.


----

----


...

What the hell is with that second choice? More to the point, what kind of a dick would you have to be in order to CHOOSE that second choice?

----
[Ogami]

Naw, I didn't come up here to help, I just came up here to laugh at you for being busy with stuff. Y'know, because I have nothing better to do.

[Kohran]

... what th' hell? Why would--

[Ogami]

HAW HAW YOU'RE BUSY HAW HAW.

[Kohran]

But--

[Ogami]

HAW.

----

[Ogami]

No... I was just thinking that I could help you out, Kohran... am I interrupting something?




Christ. They'd all rag on Ogami if he sat around and excavated the contents of his nose, but the moment he does what people EXPECT him to do (what with common sense and courtesy and all), they're on him like white on rice.

Where has the middle ground gone?

[Kohran]

... but y'know, Ogami-han. Real sorry 'bout this, but I'm gonna hafta turn ya down.


[Ogami]

Eh, how come? I can help with heavy lifting or anything, so don't be afraid to ask.


----
[Ogami]

... even though that last job with Kanna left my hands shaking so bad that I can barely lift them.

[Kohran]

I was wonderin' why your arms were slack 'gainst your sides an' hanging all dead-like.

----



[Kohran]

So there really ain't anythin' that y'all can help with. And if you watch me practice, you'll have seen it all before th' actual performance, right?
I feel bad for turnin' ya down since ya came here t' help, but... sorry.




... my god. That third option. My god.

This game is teaching the young dorks of our generation to approach the opposite sex with lewd suggestions! Granted, this would quite possibly be an improvement over the young dorks of our generation NOT approaching the opposite sex at all, and it would provide us with countless amusing stories to tell, but still.

[Ogami]

... I got it. I'm looking forward to the real deal.




[Ogami]

... in return, I'll be expecting something pretty cool.


For all the Kohran fans out there... this one's for you.























... anyways.

[Kohran]

Ogami-han, please don't put that kinda pressure on me!



----


Well... that's pretty much everyone, so I can't really help out anymore.

"But Spirit Armor," you might ask, "There's still one person left to help out! Can't Ogami go out of the theater to help her?"

To which I would gape. "Holy shit, you guys still remember Sakura?"

To which YOU would probably say "who?"

"My point exactly," would be my reply. QED.


<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index