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[Ogami]
Alright... I'm pretty sure that prolonged exposure to this medal won't cause me to grow any extra limbs or turn me into a eunuch. If that were the case, Manager Yoneda wouldn't have been holding it with his bare hands. He's too careful where his own personal health is concerned.
[Ogami]
So if it's not directly dangerous, why the hell were they all running away? I mean, Kohran's attached that locator-device thing to all of my uniforms and I wouldn't put it past her to have shoved another one between my internal organs, and they've ALREADY stuffed my room full of cameras. I'm sure they really can't get any more intrusive than THAT.
[Ogami]
... well, it can't be helped. I'd better get started on those on-site counseling sessions nightly rounds.
----
The point of said nightly rounds, of course, is to see if all's well in the theater and to ensure that there aren't any suspicious individuals skulking around the place (who weren't already living there in the first place).
And right off the bat, Ogami strikes gold!
Belatedly, Ogami realized that he's pretty ill-equipped for dealing with skulkers who may or may not be armed-- but then again, he DOES deal with the likes of Kohran and Maria on an everyday basis, so it's not like any intruders could ever be as frightening as--
-- as Maria.
[Maria]
Honestly, everyone always leaves this for someone else to do... these clothes... there, they go here.
[Ogami]
Ah... Maria!? I wonder what's she doing...
[Ogami]
(She looks pretty serious, and it'd be bad if I interrupted her, huh... let's just quietly leave.)
Ogami reflected that there was something comforting about Maria, in that he could easily predict how she'll react to most given situations. Granted, that reaction is "shoot Ogami and leave him for dead," but predictable is still preferable to the alternative: batshit freaking crazy.
----
----
[Ogami]
That's... that's not meant to be a question, isn't it.
[Maria]
And that is not an answer. Give me one. NOW.
----
[Ogami]
Er, no... I was just doing the nightly rounds...
[Ogami]
Eek!? Th... that's wrong!
----
[Ogami]
I should really remember to invest in a bullet-proof vest.
[Maria]
I would advise against that, Captain, that would simply encourage me to start shooting you in the head.
[Ogami]
... you do that anyway, Maria.
[Maria]
Hmph. In Russia, we don't complain about anything as minor as losing an earlobe or two.
[Ogami]
Alright, I'll concede that there's really nothing left to complain ABOUT if you've already lost both your earlobes, but...
----
[Ogami]
... eh?
----
[Maria]
Allow me to repeat myself--
[Ogami]
You're wearing a black fur trenchcoat. How is that 'plain'?
[Maria]
It is... the only thing I wear.
[Ogami]
Alright, fine, but... in the middle of July in Japan? I think that's PLENTY unique.
[Maria]
That's not what I...
----
----
There aren't very many ways one can actually REPLY to that, so it's probably best to just move on.
For one frightening moment, Ogami thought that Maria had simply moved next door and was now attempting to apply makeup to herself.
Thankfully, it was just Tsubaki, assuming that one could ever apply the word "just" to any one of the theater's inhabitants.
[Ogami]
What's wrong, Tsubaki-chan. I mean, you're sighing...
----
[Ogami]
... though I don't think I've seen very many people actually SAY "sigh" when they start sighing, but...
----
[Tsubaki]
But I don't really know how to apply it... it's not going well at all.
I wonder, how I could become pretty like Sumire-san?
[Ogami]
Tsubaki-chan...
----
[Ogami]
Well, it can't be all that hard. Let me try and help you.
[Tsubaki]
Really?
[Ogami]
Sure! I mean, all it'll take is a bit of practice, I'm sure.
[Tsubaki]
Thank you so much, Ogami-san! Let's get started right away! Alright, so first, I have to start with--
[Ogami]
Wait, I'm pretty sure that's not right-- here, let me do it... first, you...
(Five minutes later)
[Tsubaki]
...
[Ogami]
...
[Tsubaki]
Um...
[Ogami]
... you don't need to say it. I think we messed up somewhere down the line.
[Ogami]
Let's go back and start from square one, shall we? This time without using ME as the test subject.
[Tsubaki]
Okay, Mister Panda.
----
[Ogami]
If that's the case, maybe if you tried asking Sumire-kun?
Since it's the make-up that Sumire-kun uses, it'd probably be quicker to ask Sumire-kun herself.
----
[Ogami]
It won't be nearly as messy, either.
[Tsubaki]
Right you are, Mister Panda.
[Ogami]
Don't call me that.
[Tsubaki]
Okay, Mister Panda.
[Ogami]
Sigh.
----
[Tsubaki]
That's right, while I'm at it, maybe I could ask her about things outside of make-up...
----
----
[Ogami]
What do you mean, "also"? Sumire-kun's... what, sixteen.
[Tsubaki]
Yeah, but she's so much older than I am!
[Ogami]
You're fifteen.
[Tsubaki]
But she has... she has presence!
[Ogami]
That's only because she leaves the front of her shirt open!
[Tsubaki]
Wait! Maybe if I left MY--
[Ogami]
Please don't, I don't my heart'd be able to handle two sets of exposed cleavage flouncing around the theater. I'm pretty sure we went over this before, too.
[Tsubaki]
Sumire-san and I only one year apart, Ogami-san!
[Ogami]
Alright, let me correct myself-- two sets of exposed, underaged cleavage flouncing around the theater!
----
[Tsubaki]
... now then, Ogami-san, I'll be leaving now!
[Ogami]
Seeya, Tsubaki-chan.
Ogami took a brisk walk in order to clear his mind of the thought of Sumire and Tsubaki being exposed cleavage buddies (and indeed, of the concept of "cleavage" altogether), praying that Tsubaki wouldn't REALLY undertake that course of action just to be closer to her idol because Ayame would really murder him if that ever happened and if she managed to link that case to Ogami.
... sadly, Ogami's efforts were rendered useless by the appearance of the person in question.
[Ogami]
Ah... no, I was just thinking that it's not often that you're eating at this hour...
----
[Ogami]
... actually, I can't really remember WHEN you eat.
[Sumire]
Ensign, I eat at the same time as every other member of the Flower Division. You yourself have sat down with us countless times for breakfast, have you not?
[Ogami]
I... honestly can't remember.
[Sumire]
Is your memory that horrible, Ensign, or are you simply not a morning person?
[Ogami]
No, it's just... I've kinda been taught to eat whatever's put down in front of me as fast as possible, preferably before someone else takes it away.
[Sumire]
... Ensign, were you raised in a barn?
[Ogami]
I was raised by my sister. That amounts to the same thing.
[Sumire]
I don't think I underst--
[Ogami]
She wouldn't give me food unless I could defeat her with a wooden sword and take it from her by force. She could beat me handily with nothing but a pair of chopsticks for years.
[Sumire]
... regardless, it could not have been THAT difficult to defeat h--
[Ogami]
My first taste of food was at fifteen.
[Sumire]
...
[Sumire]
It must have been tough, Ensign.
----
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun...
Ogami couldn't really think of a good rebuttal, because Sumire DID raise a good point: it wasn't any of his business. Words failed him for a split-second, before he said the first thing that came to mind.
[Ogami]
... you'll gain weight if you eat late at night. You're the Grand Imperial Theater's top star, so try to be careful.
Ogami realized that saying the first thing that came to mind wasn't, perhaps, the smartest thing he could have done.
----
[Sumire]
These golden proportions... I would not allow them to go to ruin that simply!
[Ogami]
Er, um... Sumire-kun...
----
[Ogami]
... I'm sorry for accidentally making an attack on your fragile adolescent ego by broaching the subject of your physical appearance and the ridiculously high standards that society places upon you, a teenage girl who finds herself forced to conform to some unrealistic image of an ideal female body, thereby causing you undue stress and worry and possibly some amount of psychological trauma.
[Sumire]
...
[Sumire]
...
[Sumire]
...
[Ogami]
Or, uh, maybe I shouldn't have brought that up.
[Sumire]
You are such a killjoy, did you know that?
[Ogami]
I can't help it! It's been bugging me ever since I laid my eyes on that point six or so inches below your chin!!
----
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NEXT TIME: More nightly rounds!
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