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TO YONEDA'S OFFICE!!
Maybe this time, he'll be sober.
... a man can always dream, can't he?
[Ogami]:
(Will I.... really be doing nothing but taking tickets here....?)
No one's stopping you from taking lantrine duty, man. Go for it! Live the dream!
[Sakura]:
Ogami-san...
[Ogami]:
Sorry, Sakura-kun. I want to talk with General Yoneda alone...
... ... ...
.... there are some things that science just can't explain. This erroneous and somewhat frightening assumption of the existence of high levels of lovey-doveyness is one of them.
[Ogami]:
Wha-?! W, we're not doing anything like getting all....
Clearly, this is one of the few things that can strike fear in the heart of Ogami.
[Sakura]:
Th-that's right.... please don't misunderstand. Wouldn't that put us in a bind?
If by 'you guys', you mean 'Sakura'. Besides, Sakura doesn't count, she's ALWAYS got that expression on her face.
... granted, Ogami always has that shocked expression on HIS, but.
[Yoneda]:
Well, 's all right. Could you guys hold the fort for a bit? I'm gonna go get some sake from the kitchen.
Times like these make me wonder if he actually does ANYTHING in that posh office of his.
Thankfully, Yoneda hasn't convinced the theater staff that the continued peace and safety of the country hinges on the installation of a direct pipeline of alcohol directly into his office.
[Sakura]:
.... he left. What should we do, Ogami-san?
[Ogami]:
Let's see...
Part of me regrets not choosing the third decision, if only to cringe at the Sakura-initiated surprise sex that would inevitably ensue.
[Sakura]:
If you say so, Ogami-san.
[Sakura]:
I haven't been in here very much, so it's somehow like a new experience.
... come to think of it, why DO they store armor and weapons in the office of a man known to get sloshed on a regular basis?
---
[Yoneda]
CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA, WOO-WOO! *HIC* ALL ABOARD TH' PAIN TRAIN, BABY! IT'SH FULLMETAL YONEDA TIME!!
[Ogami]
He.... why is he wearing armor and wielding a goddamn LANCE?! I thought I told you guys to keep all those sharp objects out of his office!! I- OH GOD, NO, DADDY, NO!!
---
[Yoneda]
Now then, go and do your best with those rounds. Get along well, you two.
If she inherited her swooning, stalker-like tendencies from her old man, I shudder to think what day-to-day conversations between Yoneda and Papa Shinguji might've been like.
[Sakura]:
Next time... I might try asking him about my father.
He might not want to remember. 
[Sakura]:
Now, shall we go back to making the rounds?
The world-renowned Imperial Grand Theater Cafeteria.
Maximum Capacity: 12.
... plus those other invisible tables and chairs that only appear when you look for them up close.
SHE DROPPED DOWN FROM THE CEILING AAAAAAAHHHHH
[Ogami]:
I-Iris?! You're still looking for Jean-Paul?
[Iris]:
Yes...
[Sakura]:
We'll look for Jean-Paul for you, so please go to sleep for today.
[Iris]:
Please find him, Sakura...
Damn, she really IS dedicated to that bear.
...
OKAY, FINE, WE'LL LOOK FOR HIM. I mean, it's not like it'd be HARD, right?
---
Jean-Paul toddled unevenly towards the tall, tall door, the stitches around its hidden mouth stretching hideously as some impossible force drew air in and out of its fluff-filled innards; the result of some useless, reflexive instinct instructing it to breathe. Without Iris's powers to hold back the laws of reality, the inexorable way of the universe began taking its toll on Jean-Paul. A stuffed animal such as itself should not be alive, despite the collective will of the once-human souls anchored within the teddy bear. Stitches were coming loose, the frightening light reflecting out of those button eyes were quickly fading, and Jean-Paul couldn't even float any more...
The collective will that bound life to the teddy bear had long-since evolved into a spirital force of its own, however. Jean-Paul knew this much: given a little time, he will be able to EVOLVE a way to sustain himself, long before the laws of physics dictate that he does not exist. If he can avoid Iris for long enough, he would become self-sufficient- and very much able to triumph over even her dread loli powers.
Jean-Paul slipped through the barely-open door just in time- the hallway behind him briefly echoed with footsteps before fading away again. The teddy bear crawled forward, his eyes gleaming in the manner of the mentally unstable. Soon, he would evolve into a force beyond reckoning, an entity that even the Imperial Assault Force would not be able to triumph over...
---
Yay, it's the stage!
[Sakura]:
This is the stage. This is the place where we work.
[Ogami]:
(Secret brigade and secret stage, huh... such a horrible pun.)
[Sakura]:
What's wrong, Ogami-san?
---
[Ogami]:
Not much, just... you know, everything that's happened since I stepped foot into this theater.
Except for the clothes-changing thing. I'm still proud of that.
---
[Ogami]:
No... it's nothing.
Man, Maria doesn't hold back at all, does she?
[Sakura]:
Ah, Maria-san. But Ogami-san's the ticket-taker now, so....
Yes, thank you, that will help his case SO MUCH.
[Ogami]:
Ah... I apologize. So, why did you come down to the stage...?
[Ogami]:
Sa-Sakura-san.... is Maria always like that...?
Always awesome? Yes.
[Sakura]:
W, well... let's just chin up and go somewhere else.
---
Painfully, slowly, Jean-Paul hauled himself on top of a pillow, bleeding spirit energy and coughing up some sort of fine mist. While Iris was carrying him around the dressing room, he'd seen where the empty seats were, and which cushions were never used. He did not have much time left before he became immobile for a small period of time. If he could just hide himself for that long...!
---
[Ogami]:
So this is the dressing room, huh...
---
Jean-Paul's plush limbs began stiffening, even as he cursed internally: Iris's poor, delusioned lackeys had found him. He had run out of time. His only chance would be to blend into the background.
---
[Sakura]:
Because this is Iris we're talking about, I think she forgot Jean-Paul in this room.
[Ogami]:
I see... let's try looking for him.
---
Huddled between the pillows, Jean-Paul could do nothing but sit still, desperately praying for a merciful release. The once-human souls roiled underneath his plushie exterior, groaning in barely-restrained agitation. He could not- he WOULD not allow these meddling fools to take him back to Iris, not after he got this close to escaping her clutches!!
Desperately, Jean-Paul used the last of his spirit energy to weave a spell of idiocy around the room...
---
.....
Oh, for pete's sake. Goddamn fetch quests. This is almost as bad as...
Almost... as bad... as.....
---
[Sakura]
Uh-oh, I cannot seem to find him. I must enlist the aid... of the children watching this show! Come on down, kids!
[Ogami]
Yaaaaay~!
[Sakura]
IS HE... HERE?
[Ogami]:
No~! Those're the CURTAINS! They stop Sakuras from stalking kids like Ogami!
[Sakura]
IS HE... HERE?!
[Ogami]:
Ha ha ha! No~!!! That is the OVERHEAD LAMP! It keeps Wicked Ol' Sumire at bay, as light will melt her evil ways!
[Sakura]
IS... HE... HERE?!
[Ogami]:
No, silly!!! Those are SHOES!!! SHOES that you wear... on your FEET, like Cranky Maria taught us!!!
[Sakura]
Where could he possibly be? Kids, do YOU see Jean-Paul?
----
Jean-Paul snarled. It wasn't working- they were adapting to the rules much too quickly. In fact, they'd found him!
The teddy bear thought fast, and thought deeply. His last hope was to add NEW variables. Yes- he had to summon the shade of some insane troglodyte of a man to 'swipe' him away while keeping Iris's lackeys at bay! Someone with a weakness so arcane that they wouldn't possibly be able to figure it ou-
Yes. Jean-Paul knew just the person.
----
[Ogami]:
There he is~! Yaaaay, we found hi-
[Sakura]:
UH OH, IT'S SWIPER!!
[Sakura]:
Quick, kids, we all have to say "Swiper, no swiping!" Otherwise, he will steal the teddy bear!!
SWIPER, NO SWIPING!!
[Ogami]:
Swiper, no swiping!
GRRRR!!
Sakura:
Oh no, he's going to attack us! LOUDER!!
[Ogami]:
SWIPER, NO SWIPING! SWIPER, NO SWIPING!
[Ogami]:
UuuuuoOOOOAAAARRGGHHH!! YONEDA, NO ALCOHOL!!
Aw, maaaaan!!
Jean-Paul slumped forward in defeat. Over... it was all over for him...
----
----
[Ogami]
But... why are there tears of blood leaking from its eyes...?
----
[Sakura]:
Thank goodness... let's hurry up and return it to her.
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