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Tonight's update is a bit lighter than usual. To make up for it, there will be another update tomorrow.
Anyways... here we go with Chapter Three!
As if the next episode preview hadn't already hammered home the fact that it's going to be all about Maria.
Also, I FINALLY remembered to crack open the stats sheet! No need to thank me. 
With this, we can tell who's in first place, along with how happy everyone is. And isn't that nice? Everyone's just bursting at the seams with spirit and happiness and- w-wait.
Number one is... number one is...
----
[Iris]
----
No. Th-that's not true. That's impossible!!
----
[Iris]
Search your feelings, Oniichan. You know it to be true.
----
N-nuh... n-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
...
...
...
...
We now join the fifty-third hour of the Hive of Darkness's nine-hundred-sixty-fifth meeting, currently in session.
... the Hive of Darkness has the worst meetings EVER. All of them consist of Tenkai yelling a lot and curisng the fools who get in his way. And his underlings don't even get to sit in chairs, the poor bastards.
[Tenkai]
Hoh... a clever plan, you say....?
[Setsuna]
The Imperial Assault Force's strength lies in the leadership of its captain, Ichiro Ogami, and of Maria Tachibana.
In other words, if only those two were to disappear...
----
[Miroku]
What about Sumire Kanzaki?
[Setsuna]
... who?
[Miroku]
The purple one.
[Setsuna]
Oh, HER. Did you even SEE her fight last battle? Don't worry, she's totally fucking useless.
(ELSEWHERE)
[Sumire]
----
[Miroku]
However... achieving something like that would be no small feat...
[Setsuna]
...
I have gotten ahold of some interesting information with regards to Maria Tachibana.
If I were to use that, then perhaps....
Good god, kid, you'd be able to find all SORTS of traumatic information buried within Ogami's skull. Why don't you just use that?
[Tenkai]
Hoh... alright, Setsuna. I shall leave this matter in your hands... show to me the beautiful destruction of the Imperial Assault Force!
[Setsuna]
Yes, my lord!! Please leave it to me...
... fucking creepy kid.
[Setsuna]
Now then, Maria Tachibana... how shall I drag out yours?
Yes, I've finally discovered how to be all fancy-pants with Paint Shop Pro.
Well, okay, fine, re-discovered. I mean, if this were my first picture-tinkering ever, I probably wouldn't have been able to resist adding all sorts of crazy shit.
Yeah, sorta like that.
As par for the course, we find our brave hero and heroines at their place of employment, attempting to scrape out some sort of meager existence on what piddling wages they've been receiving:
The theater.
[Yuri]
Thank you very much for your attendance today.
From the bottom of our hearts, we hope that you will come to visit us once again.
After flipping through the various alternate translations for the kanji for "released"... well, resisting the urge to sub in "emancipated" or "liberated" took a great exertion of willpower.
[Ogami]
Now then. For now, I guess I'll go somewhere.
To do something. Possibly with someone. Ogami, you're living on the edge, you wild man you. 
I couldn't resist this one.
[Maria]
........
[Ogami]
Huh? She didn't hear me?
... Maria? Out of it?
[Ogami]
Heeeeey, Maria~!
[Ogami]
What's wrong, Maria? It's not like you to space out.
[Maria]
Ensign... this may be something of an abrupt question, but...
[Ogami]
Ah, aah... what's up?
[Maria]
Dreams about the past, Ensign... do you see them often?
No, I'm not letting Ogami regale the scary Russian gunwoman with his sex dreams.
----
[Ogami]
Not even about the dream where I'm screwing a Russian woman, a rich Japanese girl, and a Chinese techie?
----
What? Oh shit, man, that's aweso ... no, Ogami. Just... no. You're more valuable to me alive than dead.
[Ogami]
That's right... I see them often. Dreams about my time at the naval academy, and dreams about when I first came to this place...
----
[Ogami]
... back when I was merely an innocent man with much of his soul intact...
----
[Ogami]
But... what's wrong? To ask about something like that...
[Maria]
No... it is nothing.
And then, disdaining to walk along the ground like a mortal human being, Maria spun around thrice before sinking into the theater's plush carpets, taking an unfortunate bystander's legs with her.
[Ogami]
.... I wonder what's wrong. This isn't like the usual Maria.
----
[Ogami]
She usually does a triple-axel spin before launching up into the sky, piercing the very heavens with her fists... she's off her game today.
----
[Ogami]
Aah, Kasumi-kun... good job to you, too.
... how many other tall blonde Russian women do you see in this establishment, Kasumi?
[Ogami]
... yeah. But... somehow, it felt as if Maria was absent-minded while I was talking to her...
It wasn't like her at all.
[Kasumi]
During today's production, Maria-san apparently made mistakes with her lines...
G... good GOD. That's like hearing that the sun's decided not to rise today.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
[Kasumi]
To think that THAT Maria-san would make such a mistake... it is unbelievable, isn't it?
[Ogami]
You're right...
INTO THE BOX WITH HER!!
and then give her more power training before sending her off to the tournaments.
Well, an indeliable law of nature (Maria being on top of her game 24/7) has given way to madness. I'd better lie to Kasumi so that she doesn't fly into a screaming panic.
[Ogami]
Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, you can't criticize a failure before asking why something went wrong in the first place.
[Ogami]
I guess that's because I'm the Flower Division's captain, huh. I have to be concerned about everyone.
[Kasumi]
But, Maria-san.... isn't the type of person to confide in others about her worries...
[Ogami]
Kanna?
[Kasumi]
Kanna Kirishima-san is one of the oldest members of the Flower Division, as is Maria-san.
Since they've known each other for so long, I'm certain that she would be able to help out Maria-san, but...
And I'm equally certain that we won't be seeing her at all this chapter, now that we've provided some background on who his "Kanna" character is. 
[Old Man]
Aaah, excuse me, miss. I'd like a ticket for next time's performance....
[Kasumi]
Ah, my apologies. I shall help you right away.
Now then, Ogami-san, please excuse me here.
Yup, Ogami, you'd better get crackin' right away.
... y'know, once you've finished macking on everyone else in sight.
----
Well, there's a lot to do during this Free Roam hour. Let's get crackin'. First off? We need to pay the three girls of the theater a visit. I've been neglecting them lately.
It's Tsubaki!
[Tsubaki]
This time's production is 'Cinderella'!
Thank you, Tsubaki, I'm sure I never would've remembered what Yuri had been broadcasting over the PA system for the past twenty minutes.
[Tsubaki]
And continuing on from last month, Maria-san's been playing the part of the prince again, isn't she!
And Ogami tried playing the part of the stepmother, at least until Sumire convinced him to give back her role by doing this amazing thing with the veins in her bulging, enraged eyes.
[Ogami]
(And it was Maria who...)
[Tsubaki]
Ogami-san? Is something the matter?
[Ogami]
No... it's nothing.
Strikin' up a conversation before looking at the bromides...
[Tsubaki]
Um.... it's about Maria, but...
Lately, it seems that she's been sighing an awful lot...
[Ogami]
As expected, huh...
[Tsubaki]
Ogami-san.... what do you think of Maria?
...
[Ogami]
A distressed-looking Maria is fine, too. Somehow... she's sort of sexy like that...
WELL NOW, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL THAT'S A BIT TOO MUCH INFORMATION
[Ogami]
Ah.... whoops, that was a bit inappropriate, wasn't it...
...
WELL NOW, THIS... is actually sort of creepy.
[Tsubaki]
When someone who's always got her stuff together becomes listless...
You want to give her strength... and give her a hug, right?
[Ogami]
Yes, yes, that's exactly it. Tsubaki-chan... we're going to get along just fine, aren't we.
[Tsubaki]
Ehehehehehehe.... that we are.
OGAMI has been inducted into TSUBAKI's little stalker fanclub! (Daa daa daa DAAAAAAAH~~~~!!)
And somewhere, Maria gets this odd little chill up her spine, and this horrible sense of foreboding...
To commemorate their new, stalker-ish fanclub thing, Ogami decides to relieve Tsubaki of a bromide.
Everytime he looked at Maria's bromide, Tsubaki kept talking about she's got a few... rarer bromides of Maria just under the counter, eh eh wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean know what I mean.
... but Ogami wasn't really paying attention because Sumire's cleavage sucked in his attention.
----
[Ogami]
Tsubaki, I'd like this one.
----
...
----
[Ogami]
... Tsubaki?
[Tsubaki]
Haaaah.... Maria-san.... i-if I were to approach her and tell her that she's free to weep into my bosom anytime, then maybe...
----
... hold up a sec.
----
THERE we go.
[Tsubaki]
Quite a few of Sumire-san's fans seem to be the sons of really rich people, don't they?
That comes to fifty sen~. Thank you very much for your purchase!
And with that, Ogami takes his leave. Off to the office... quarters... thing!
... oh?
Shit, this explains why we haven't seen guests actually LEAVING the cafeteria. They've all been getting eaten. 
[Ogami]
Well... it's not really important, huh. It doesn't seem like anyone else's here....
WHAT
NOT REALLY IMPORTANT?!
YOU BASTARD, DON'T YOU DARE GLOSS OVER HER EXISTENCE LIKE THAT! 
*ahem* I mean.... let's go on, shall we?
[Ogami]
Guess I'll try going to another room.
... huh, I don't think I've ever been to this room before. I THINK it's the VIP entrance or something? Whatever it is....
... it falls within Yuri's jurisdiction.
[Ogami]
Hm.....? Do you need me for something?
[Yuri]
It's not quite like that- no guests have been coming, and since I've got nothing to do....
I was just hoping that someone'd drop by.
[Ogami]
Haah....
This is a bit too much like . I should probably just leave.
[Yuri]
How about it? Just to kill time, do you want me to give you your fortune for this month?
[Ogami]
Let's see...
Eh, let's just go with some light, meaningless chatter fir-
[Yuri]
Oh, right, Ogami-san. You want to try being a model?
- gkhjadkasd
[Ogami]
Model? Me...? What in the world?
Work that runway, Ogami! 
... oh.
[Yuri]
A model for those kinds of pictures. It's because lately, men are starting to become fashion-conscious, too.
Ogami-san, you look like you'd be photogenic. So? Want to try it?
[Ogami]
Let's see...
You only live once... but being a fashion model will grant you immortality within the very spleen of pop culture.
[Ogami]
It'd be nice to give it a try. I mean, I'm a bit interested in modeling, so.
And acting. Lots of interest in acting.
Ogami has a hairstyle that can best be described as "porcupine gently caressed a broom", and all he's ever worn is the ticket-taker's outfit.
No, I don't know where she got that idea from, either. 
[Yuri]
Now then... the hairstyle I want you to try is the 7-3 split, or parting all your hair to one side.
[Ogami]
All to one side....? ... on me?! Do you think someone like that would even look good on me?
... even before that, would it even be POSSIBLE to part his hair that way?
Without it looking like total ass, I mean.
[Yuri]
... that's true. I don't think it'd suit you well.
Aa~aah, I'm going to have to keep looking. If I don't find a model by the middle of the week, I won't be able to keep my promise.
How DOES Yuri look for models, anyway? Does she like, go wandering in the middle of the street and proposition good-looking young men?
.... that's not really a question that I want answered. 'Sides, Ogami doesn't HAVE that much time to waste on the three theater girls! He's a busy man, busy with making sure that the PILOTS are all in tip-top condition.
O-okay, so he might have enough time for ONE more stop. 
You betcher boots I did! I ALWAYS manage to catch a break.
[Ogami]
Most of my work's one big battle only until the play starts. After that, all I have to do is clean the seats.
Wait, you have to clean the entire seating area, too? On top of taking tickets and shepherding those wacky and lovable and highly violent pilots?
Good GOD, man, I hope he's at least getting dental for all of this.
----
[Ogami]
Huh? What's 'dental'?
----
... oh, right, I forgot. 1920's Japan.
[Kasumi]
Thank you for your hard work. I can help you with the cleaning, as well.
Oh, how nice, she's a good person after all.
[Kasumi]
Ah, that's right. We've put up a poster for our current production, 'Cinderella'.
Would you like to take a look at it?
[Ogami]
That's right...
You can actually look at these posters? Huh, I totally overlooked that.
Eh, why not.
"Llaredenci."
...
Oh, right, "Cinderella." I keep forgetting that they kept writing horizontal text from RIGHT TO LEFT back in those days.
[Ogami]
A play with Sakura-kun and Maria as the main characters, huh... it looks like it's still pretty well-received.
[Kasumi]
Heheheh... that's true, isn't it. Sakura-san's also mostly gotten used to it as well.
Moving from "looking at the poster" to "chatting."
[Kasumi]
Ah, that's right... this play is really popular with the guests!
[Ogami]
Really? That's good to hear.
[Kasumi]
Maria-san's Prince and Sakura-san's Cinderella make a romantic duo...
Kohran-san as the mean stepsister and Sumire-san as the evil stepmother were also a perfect fit.
[Ogami]
That's certainly true. I think the casting was spot-on.
[Kasumi]
Even if the present is filled with hardship... that someday, a prince of your own will one day come to greet you...
[Ogami]
Kasumi-kun.....
As far as pickup lines go, that wasn't half-bad for Ogami.
GO GET HER, TIGER. 
[Ogami]
Could I... become that prince?
[Kasumi]
But... if you replace Maria-san, the fans wouldn't keep quiet...
[Ogami]
N, no... I didn't mean it like that?
[Kasumi]
Yes? We were talking about the part of the prince, weren't we? Was there something else?
[Ogami]
.... no, don't worry about it.
His heart shattered into a trillion pieces, Ogami took his leave of the office. Well, there's only one place to find enough alcohol to drink off your rejection:
To the Manager's Office!
[Ogami]
.... I wonder if the Manager's in his room.
I guess I'll try asking him about Maria.
Sure, why not? While you're here getting plastered and everything.
Skipping the usual "it's Ogami, may I come in," "Oh, c'mon in," "Please excuse me".
----
[Ogami]
.. could you just pass me a drink, sir?
[Yoneda]
What? No! For shame, Ogami. You ain't allowed to drink on the job, you said so yourself!
[Yoneda]
'Sides, it'd be giving you some well-deserved respite from the hell your life's become, and we can't be havin' any of THAT!
Now go lick the toilets clean. And when you get back, I'mma kick you in the balls.
[Ogami]
But--
[Yoneda]
INNA BALLS.
----
[Ogami]
No.... I just wanted to ask a little about Maria.
[Ogami]
Yes....
While I'm certain that I'll get some drunk-ass pointers on Maria's type of guy, this IS our chance for some wonderful backstory.
[Ogami]
She was saying something about dreams of her past... would you happen to know anything about Maria's past?
[Yoneda]
.... has Maria told you anything about it?
[Ogami]
No... nothing at all.
[Yoneda]
In that case... there's nothing I can say.
You go get Maria to tell you herself. Even if it takes some time...
[Ogami]
I see...
[Yoneda]
For the person who's worryin', the only thing that the people around her can do is to quietly watch over her.
An' about those kinds of worries... there's no other way but to resolve them by oneself.
Well. While my estimation of the man has risen, it really sucks that he's not nearly drunk enough to tell all.
[Ogami]
I understand. Now then... please excuse me here.
... and nothing of value was gained.
NEXT TIME: Fanservice, Fanservice x 2, and BRICK-SHITTING HORROR.
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