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And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Kouma have finally been palette-swapped for easy identification!

[Shika]

Lord Satan, all of the most elite Kouma have been gathered here!!




[Satan]

Destroy! Destroy all that you come across! The destruction of all things! Aah, how lovely!
The annihilation of all things, and then the creation of new lives!
Destruction is truly the prelude to rebirth!


----
[Shika]

Yessir! I'm... sure that will go hand-in-hand with our ACTUAL plan, which was to reduce the planet to a charred, burnt husk that will be littered with whatever corpses the Kouma don't bother eating.

[Satan]

Ah, but on top of all THAT, once the Kouma engorge themselves and engage in widespread mating season orgies, we shall have a bountiful baby boom of blasted bhell-bspawn!

[Shika]

... y... yes, my lord. I'm sure they won't start hurling their explosive babies at buildings as per their failed maternal instincts. And you really didn't need to force that bit of balliteration, my lord.

[Satan]

Hm. Well, no matter. I have decisive proof that the vast majority of my plans will work.

[Shika]

Yes, my lord?

[Satan]

I'm not Tenkai.

[Shika]

... that IS strangely persuasive, my lord.

----



[Kouma]

Gsha!




[Satan]

And it shall bring about our most reliable force of destruction!!
... fallen demon "Shika"!


[Shika]

Yes!


[Satan]

Until then, you shall buy us time...


[Shika]

As you command...


[Satan]

I sincerely hope that you do not think of such unnecessary things as seeking vengeance for Inoshishi. Understood?


[Shika]

Understood...




DUN DUN DUwait, that's actually the entirety of backstory/motivation/character development/etc? He can't even be arsed to have something as ambitious as "my strength will be the most strongest power ever!", and it doesn't look like he wants to take Satan's place- no, he just wants some good ol' fashioned compliments and/or validation.

... but alas, such is the fate of all third-rate, hastily-shoehorned-in mid-boss sub-villains with funky names.



As if to make things worse, it looks like he's already going to be rapidly outclassed by something/one.



Meanwhile, in scenic Movieland Transylvania Ginza...



... we discover that Ayame doesn't actually bother to let down her hair when she goes to bed, which solves the whole "why does she have headaches" question. Having a thick lump of hair crushing against the back of her skull has to be at least HALF of the reason she doesn't ever sleep well.



'Course, the OTHER half can probably be attributed to the blurry demoness traipsing around in her dreams with barely a stitch of clothing on.

[Ayame]

Who... who are you...




[???]

Hmhmhm...


[Ayame]

Who? Who ARE you?


[Ayame]

Eh-- ... kyaaaaaah--!




[Ayame]

G-Gasp... gasp... pant...




KER-SUDDEN SCENE TRANSITION!



[Ogami]

From within the sealed continent of darkness, "Yamato"...


[Ogami]

... this is pretty difficult.


This particular genre of books isn't quite Ogami's forte. If his reasoning skills are any indication, stories about giving cookies to mice are probably closer to his reading level. Brightly colored pictures are also a plus.

[Kohran]

Ogami-han. What's that you've been readin' there?




----
[Ogami]

More importantly, do all of you ALWAYS roam the theater in a single murder?

[Kohran]

'Course we do, ev'ry now an' then! Girl talk an' all that.

[Ogami]

(A psycho swordswoman, a heiress with more money than any of us will ever see in our lives, a mad biogenetimechaniscientist, an innocent little conduit to eldritch powers which should not be named, and a Kanna...)

[Ogami]

(... do these people actually HAVE any conversational topics in common, outside of "killing demons," "acting in an audience's general direction," and/or "committing acts of violence upon Ichiro Ogami's person.)

[Sumire]

Also, I believe the term "murder" is used exclusively for gatherings of crows, Ensign.

[Ogami]

... yeah, but for some unstated obvious reason, I can't help but associate "most of the Flower Brigade" in one place with "murder."

----

[Sakura]

Hm~mm... what might that book be?


[Ogami]

Well, it's a copy of the "Chronicles of the Liberated God." I borrowed it from Commander Yoneda.


[Kanna]

Heh, lemme take a look.


[Ogami]

Wait, wait, handle it carefully! It's a really important book!!


----
[Kanna]

Hey, l-

[Ogami]

And PLEASE don't end that sentence with "look what I can do!" and apply enough pressure to create one paper-thin sheet that used to be a really important book. Again.

[Kanna]

Hey, I STILL maintain that if all those government files were MEANT to be really important, it was perfectly reasonable to assume that someone had already made copies elsewhere.

----


----


[Kanna]

Maria, d'you know about this book?




[Ogami]

Huh... he lent it to you, too?


[Maria]

Yes, everything the captain of the Flower Division should know is supposedly written in it.


----
[Ogami]

Huh. He didn't lend it to ME when I became the captain of the Flower Division. You know, when I COULD'VE learned about the Kouma before we took their ridiculously sudden plot reveal up the ass.

[Maria]

To be honest, I don't think any of us were sure exactly how long you were going to survive.

[Ogami]

... ah. Of course. So... I've finally shown that I'm unlucky strong enough to survive?

[Maria]

The exact phrase may have been "stupidly stubborn enough to not die," but yes, that sounds about right.

[Ogami]

...

[Ogami]

Eh, I'll take what I can get!

[Maria]

Attaboy.

----

[Maria]

I... read it mostly because I received the order to do so from Ayame-san, but...


[Ogami]

I see...




[Ogami]

Maria... could you teach me about it? I feel like I'll have trouble with it if I try reading it by myself...




----
[Ogami]

Great! Let's-

[Maria]

Would you like to start by learning how to read words longer than two syllables, or shall we skip directly to basic analytical reading skills?

[Ogami]

- assume that I'm smarter than a first-grader, Maria.

----

[Sumire]

Maria-san. The fact that Commander Yoneda personally lent Ensign the book...
Might he be telling the Ensign to try and understand it on his own?




[Ogami]

Um... what Sumire-kun is saying is probably correct.


[Ogami]

Even so... I can barely understand what's written in this book...
Man oh man... I think I'll take a break.


WHUMPF.

[Maria]

Ah... Captain, if you leave such an important book on the floor...


Oh, Maria, you worrywart. It's not like Ogami is openly inviting disaster to befall his precious book or anything like that!

[Iris]

Wow! This juice is delicious!!




[Ogami]

Huh? Aah, thanks, Iris.


[Maria]

Ah, Iris! Watch your feet!!




... judging by her expression, she totally planned this ahead of time, the little gremlin.

[Ogami]

I-Iris!




If there's one thing Ogami has learned over the past few months, it's that he needs to treat Iris much like a fragile bomb that's prone to detonating in self-defense at the slightest provocation.

SPLASH.

[Maria]

Ah...!


[Iris]

Ah...


[Ogami]

Ah... the juice spilled on Maria...


If there's ANOTHER thing that Ogami's learned, it's that he can never win at anything.


----


[Maria]

Yes... it is only juice, after all.


[Ogami]

But your hair...



----


----
[Ogami]

Ha ha ha, no harm done! Right, Maria?

[Maria]

We never actually asked Iris what kind of juice she was actually drinking.

[Maria]

... and... I'm not entirely certain, but I think I taste copper. It appears to be blood.

[Ogami]

Oh, is that all? That's only MILDLY disturbing. For a moment there, I thought it was going to be something utterly horrifying! Ha ha ha-

[Ogami]

... y'know, it's amazing what the human psyche can adapt to if it's given half a chance.

----



[Sakura]

My, it's already this late?


[Ogami]

What was today's performance again?




[Sumire]

This will be Kohran's first leading role since "Wings," which was quite some time ago.


[Ogami]

Great Dinosaur Island? What on Earth is it about?


----
[Sumire]

Well, Ensign, I am quite certain that it couldn't POSSIBLY be about dinosaurs, now could it?

[Ogami]

Hey, I'm just double-checking, alright? I'm not one of you fancy-pants theatrical-type people! I don't know a thing about the finer points of theatricaling!

[Kanna]

Captain's got a point there- those play names can get real misleading. Like Hamlet! It-

[Sumire]

- had absolutely nothing to do with ham, right?

[Kanna]

Yeah! What's up with that? It's a freakin' shame, if you ask me.

[Ogami]

... Kanna, I'll never stop being amazed that you're an actress just like Sumire-kun.

[Sumire]

... please do not remind me that I have ANYTHING in common with her, Ensign.

----



[Ogami]

...?




[Kohran]

Mysterious ruins of an ancient civilization, angry natives, suspicious ceremonies! Resounding yellin' voices! Hidden traps all along th' way!!


I love how they managed to explain all that without once making ANY references to, you know, the dinosaurs that will hopefully play a major part in a play called "Great Dinosaur Island."

[Ogami]

Hmmm... that sounds pretty amazing. But what kind of a story is it?


[Iris]

Well, you know... it's called "slapstick."




[Ogami]

Slapstick? Comedy? Does that mean... Maria's going to be involved, too?




[Ogami]

Ah... I see.
(Though I kind of feel like I want to see Maria doing slapstick.)


... preferably at a safe distance, behind a bulletproof wall. And I can't help but imagine a piss-drunk Maria talking in a horribly hammy Russian accent, wandering around up on stage.

[Kanna]

Okay, let's get going.


[Sakura]

Ah... but Maria-san is still-


[Maria]

I'm sorry, everyone, but go on ahead. I'm going to go wash my hair.


[Iris]

Sorry, Maria...


[Maria]

You don't need to worry, Iris. But be sure to be careful next time, okay?


[Iris]

Okay...


----
[Maria]

Wonderful. Now that that's settled, I'm going to go wash my hair with holy water.

[Iris]

But-

[Maria]

Holy water.

[Iris]

I really didn't mean to-

[Maria]

HOLY WATER.

[Iris]


----


----


[Ogami]

Eh...? Okay, got it! Where at?


[Maria]

He's waiting in the command room.


[Ogami]

The command room, huh? ... okay. I'll head there soon.




----
[Ogami]

Awesome. Well, I guess I'll-

[Maria]

... oh, and he means by four o' clock TODAY.

[Ogami]

Tsk. Can't you guys leave my Yoneda-avoiding loopholes alone!?

[Maria]

Easy mode is for elementary school children, Captain.

----



And we are, once again, right at the Free Roam segment after half a year of dicking around!



NEXT TIME: Everyone Loves Iris, Ayame: The Route-Breaker, and HA HA HA I SHALL SAVE YOU


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