<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
Last time, the game cut to the eyecatch immediately after rolling out the training montage. It stands to reason that it'll start up after everyone's done their training for the day, just to show us the fruits of their labor.
Or whatever the fuck they've done in lieu of actually training, i.e. dicking around. Anyway, after every training montage, the first order of business is always to establish how long it's been since that last scene, so let's get to it.
...
Or. Or, you know, it could be three weeks later. Which establishes the fact that it's the DEMONS who've been dicking around.
I mean, given how much stronger they are than the (currently incapacitated) Koubu, it's not like the demons AREN'T strong enough to destroy the Imperial Capital just by loitering on the goddamn premises. And Satan had enough freaking demonic Kouma to run a nationwide chain of goddamn fast food restaurants, so he had no reason to NOT attack the Imperial Capital in the first place, and, and, and-
...
L-Let's just keep going.
So, in case the player's forgotten who our top pilot is, the game throws a Maria at us.
[Ogami]
Hey, Maria. How was your training?
[Maria]
Hmhmhm... I believe that I will have exceeded your expectations.
----
[Ogami]
... really? You mean I actually HAD expectations?
[Maria]
Well, Captain, I can shoot a bullet into the sky and hit it with a second bullet.
[Ogami]
Okay, but you could do that anyw-
[Maria]
- and hit BOTH of them with two MORE bullets.
[Ogami]
Wow, that IS pretty aweso-
[Maria]
- and hit the FOUR of them with FOUR more bullets-
[Ogami]
Okay, okay, I get it!
----
[Ogami]
I'm looking forward to it. Now... let's return to the theater.
----
----
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
...
[Ogami]
... ... ... ... ...
----
----
[Maria]
... that right there, Captain. That was needlessly harsh.
[Ogami]
But... but... that was really scary.
[Maria]
I was simply acting, Captain. To boost your morale.
[Ogami]
... why the hell did you- who told you that this would boosted my morale!?
[Maria]
Ayame-san.
[Ogami]
She was giggling like a loon when she told you this, wasn't she.
[Maria]
How did you know?
[Ogami]
... lucky guess.
-----
[Maria]
You're looking well, Kanna.
[Ogami]
Aah, thanks.
And then an awkward silence descended upon the group as everyone stared directly at Ogami, expecting him to take the lead during conversation.
... and by "taking the lead," I don't mean "take advantage of the fact that the game designers have anticipated the player's being a sad, sad little man."
Anyway, looking at Kanna's face gets us:
[Ogami]
(That's a good look in her eyes... they're brimming with confidence.)
And looking at Sakura's:
[Ogami]
(Her eyes are lively. Maybe it's proof that she's trained... it's like she was never unsure of herself.)
[Sakura]
What's wrong? Ogami-san.
[Ogami]
No, I was just thinking... you've got a good set to your eyes.
[Sakura]
Hmhm... is that so.
----
[Ogami]
Yeah, you're not staring at me with that batshit insane stare of yours. Trust me, that really helps.
[Sakura]
That's good to hear, Ogami-san! I tried doing my best, just for you!
[Ogami]
Hahaha, thanks, I guess! Just as long as you don't-
[Sakura]
Just for you!
[Ogami]
... just as long as you don't, uh, slingshot back into... um, I'ma talk to Kanna now.
----
Welp, time to tear out Kanna's throat with HAPPY TEETH.
[Ogami]
... what kind of training did you do, Kanna?
[Kanna]
Mine was perfect! Anyhow, I managed to pull off that bear-killing training that I'd been looking forward to!
[Ogami]
B-Bear-killing...!?
[Maria]
So you've managed to realize the dream of all martial artists. That's amazing...
[Kanna]
Heheh... well, y'know. With this, I've finally come one step closer to my old man!
----
[Ogami]
Wait, no, I don't-- why is KILLING BEARS a part of your balanced training!?
[Kanna]
Bears are the gold standard of martial arts! It's what you use to measure each person's strength.
[Kanna]
Like... see, I'm at about 34.1 BPS.
[Ogami]
... BPS? D-Don't tell me-
[Kanna]
Bears Per Second!
[Ogami]
... I wish I hadn't asked.
[Kanna]
Still, my old man peaked at about 101 Bears Per Millisecond, so I've still got a ways to go!
[Maria]
I've been meaning to ask, but... how is it even POSSIBLE to get those kinds of numbers?
[Kanna]
Well, you know the phrase "I'll hit you so hard that your ancestors and your descendants'll feel it?"
[Maria]
Yes...
[Kanna]
... and you know how the newspapers have been talking about how bears around the world have been exploding mysteriously and messil--
[Maria]
Aah. Say no more. Please.
----
Stop! Sakura time.
[Ogami]
... so did training go well for you?
[Sakura]
Yes! I was heavily scolded about me having only practiced as an actress, leaving my swordmanship skills to rust.
But... thanks to that, I feel that I've come to understand the essence of the sword.
What you told me before we began training, Ogami-san... I believe that I have upheld it.
----
[Ogami]
Ha ha ha! Really? That's great!
[Sakura]
Isn't it, Ogami-san? Thanks to y--
[Ogami]
... though I totally forgot what it was I actually told you. But that's okay, 'cause I'm just going to ignore you now.
[Sakura]
What? But that's--
----
[Ogami]
... by the way, how's everyone else doing?
----
[Sakura]
Kohran's in her room; it seems like she's building something again. We heard the sound of something exploding earlier, so.
You know, now that everyone automatically associates the sound of something exploding with Kohran, they'll be in so much trouble if the demons actually DO start blowing up the theater.
... though that'll probably end up being Kohran's fault too, somehow, so it all works out. 
[Kanna]
Sumire was in the salon earlier. Sumire being Sumire, it sounds like she hasn't done any training- she's just been going into town every day.
[Ogami]
Oh, jeez...
[Ogami]
Yeah... I guess I'll change back into my regular clothes and go drop by.
----
[Maria]
If by "change back into your regular clothes," you mean "take off the jacket covering your regular clothes"--
[Ogami]
P-Please, Maria... let me have my fantasies. Of, y'know, actually having clothes.
----
THREE MORE FUCKING WEEKS SOME TIME LATER:
[Ogami]
Now then... I wonder where everyone is?
Well, we know where SUMIRE is, the lazy bum.
----
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun... what've you been doing these past three weeks?
----
Okay, show of hands: who's actually surprised by this information? Besides Ogami.
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun...
So, yeah, it'd probably be a lost cause expending energy to yell at Sumire.
[Ogami]
Man oh man...
[Ogami]
No, it's just that this's the same old, or... well, I'm just shocked.
[Ogami]
So all these weeks... all you did was fool around?
[Sumire]
You... must want to say something along these lines, Ensign.
[Ogami]
........
----
[Ogami]
... actually, I was THINKING of saying something closer to "could you pour me a cup of tea, too," but, uh, yours works better.
----
[Ogami]
... what you COULD do?
----
----
Leaving that mystery aside... okay, so we've got a couple of other options, namely "check on Iris to make sure that she hasn't cocooned herself in order to undergo some sort of freakish mutation."
So we D'HEY
[Ogami]
Hey, Yuri-kun. What're you doing here?
[Yuri]
Um... Ogami-san. Please don't blame Sumire-san too much...
[Ogami]
Eh?
----
[Ogami]
SO IT WAS YOU WHO PUSHED HER TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
[Yuri]
No.
[Ogami]
Eh? Really? You're certain?
[Yuri]
Yes, I'm certain.
[Ogami]
... damn, I really thought I had something there.
----
[Yuri]
I know all about it. That Sumire-san... that she's been running around from morning to night...
[Ogami]
... what did you say!?
[Yuri]
Because of that, Sumire-san... she hasn't been sleepng well enough at all.
And... Sumire-san doesn't get along very well with her parents back at home...
It seems that she just about fled from home to join the Flower Division...
And yet Sumire-san went to bow her head to her parents.
So that she could request financing from the Kanzaki family and other large financial conglomerates...
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun did... all that...?
[Yuri]
It seems that the Flower Mansion's production lines have started moving again, after having to halt for a while.
And... when everyone had left... she'd also said that there was no way that she was going to be the caretaker of the Imperial Theater
[Ogami]
...
[Yuri]
And Sumire-san... she often isn't honest with herself...
I'm sure that she didn't want to burden you with too many worries, Ogami-san.
[Ogami]
... Sumire-kun did all that...?
[Yuri]
But... if Sumire-san is at all important to you, Ogami-san...
Just take to heart the fact that Sumire-san has her own circumstances to deal with.
----
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun... did all that...?
[Yuri]
Yes. Like I've been saying for the past-
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun... did... all that?
[Yuri]
Yes. Yes, she did.
[Ogami]
Seriously? 'Cause it's too early for April Fool's.
[Yuri]
... no, I'm NOT joking.
[Ogami]
Are you sure? I mean, it's not that I don't trust you, but it's kinda hard to swallow the possibility that she's actually done something USEFUL for once.
[Yuri]
Look, she was running around the entire city trying to help us! I--
[Ogami]
Running!? Sumire-kun was RUNNING!? Holy BALLS, woman, back up!
[Yuri]
... I'm not getting paid enough to deal with this.
[Ogami]
... please don't remind me that you're actually getting some form of monetary compensation for your work. Lucky.
----
Right then, change of plans.
We're going to get to the bottom of this mystery, once and for all! HINT: IT'S ALWAYS OLD MAN CRANKY UNDER THAT MASK
Knock.
[Ogami]
It's Ogami... Sumire-kun, are you in?
[Sumire]
... so it's you, Ensign. What is it?
[Ogami]
... I need to talk to you about something. Could you let me in...?
[Sumire]
By all means. The door is unlocked.
... wow, you can FEEL the temperature dropping with each sentence.
[Ogami]
... n-no... That's not it- I came to apologize to you.
[Ogami]
While I wasn't here... I heard that you'd put a lot of effort into raising funds for us...
----
[Sumire]
I do not know who you heard that from, but I spent the entire time playing around.
[Ogami]
Sumire-kun...
[Sumire]
They... were also waiting quite a bit for your return, Ensign...
[Ogami]
... got it. Thanks, Sumire-kun.
----
[Ogami]
... though it's beyond me why you didn't just TELL ME what you did instead of forcing me through all those hoops.
[Sumire]
What, and take all the fun out of playing hard-to-get? You simply need to learn the language of my maiden's heart, Ogami-san.
[Ogami]
Is that... is that language kind of like batshitcrazyese? 'Cause I'm GOOD at batshitcrazyese.
[Ogami]
... oh. Right. Speaking of batshitcrazyese...
----
Right then. Into the breach we go.
KNOCK.
[Ayame]
Yes, who is it?
[Ogami]
Huh? It's Ayame-san's voice.
[Ayame]
Ogami-kun, huh? It's unlocked. Please come in.
[Ayame]
Hello, Ogami-kun. It seems that you've put on some muscle since you set out.
[Ogami]
Thank you very much!
[Ayame]
By the way, Ogami-kun. Why did you come here?
And here's the million-dollar question.
[Ogami]
Why ARE you here, Ayame-san?
[Ayame]
... me? I came to see how Iris was doing.
Iris is putting on a growth spurt right now, so she tends to be asleep whenever any of us comes by...
Ogami-kun, tell Iris that you've come home.
----
[Ogami]
Wait, you were really worried about Iris?
[Ayame]
... well, I'm keeping her asleep with a cocktail of sedatives and Kohran's happy juice.
[Ogami]
Aah, THERE'S the callously sociopathic Ayame-san that I know and love have awkwardly semi-romantic feelings for!
[Ogami]
... seriously, could you tell me the exact mixture? It'd make my life a lot easier if I could put some of my squad members to sleep at will. AND I need a sleeping aid.
[Ayame]
No dice, Ogami-kun.
----
... awww, isn't that sweet? Jean-Paul is making graspy arms at the air in a desperate bid for freedom. He wants out.
[Ogami]
... Iris, I'm home.
[Iris]
... zzzz~, zzzz~.
[Ogami]
Hahaha... she's sleeping so innocently.
[Ayame]
Ogami-kun... have you noticed?
[Ogami]
Eh? Noticed what?
[Ayame]
Sleep is very important for Iris right now.
So that her heart and body may grow... you know?
----
[Ogami]
Nope, I haven't noticed. I mean, just as long as she hasn't sprouted a trillion tentacles in place of her legs, right?
[Ayame]
...
[Ogami]
... A-Ayame-san?
[Ayame]
Just don't look under her blanket, Ogami-kun.
----
----
[Ogami]
It's true that right now, that might be more important for Iris than any kind of special training...
[Ogami]
See you, Iris... sleep tight.
NEXT TIME: Kohran's hopes and aspirations for her entire future! ... with guest appearances by other characters.
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index