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Right next door... well, if you'll recall, someone's been hanging around the Costume Room pretty darned frequently as of late.
[Ogami]
Maria's voice again, huh. I wonder what she's been looking for all this time...
Given that she's been searching for, oh, months, I'm pretty interested in seeing what all the fuss is about, too. 
So, Ogami goes in.
When he does, though, the situation quickly deteriorates into something...
... something... uh, something...
...
It deteriorates into something.
[Maria]
C-Captain! Um...
[Ogami]
That dress is what Sakura-kun wore for "Because of Love," isn't it...
[Ogami]
Maria...
----
[Ogami]
You're like a head taller than Sakura-kun and have bigger, uh... bigger biggers, so I really don't think you'd be able to squeeze into that thing.
[Maria]
... of all the times to leave my gun in my room, why did it have to be THIS time?
----
[Ogami]
... you really surprised me, Maria.
[Ogami]
No... it's not something you should apologize about. I mean, Maria, you're a girl, after all.
I... think that that means something like "even YOU have a feminine side to you," but I can't possibly imagine how to sculpt that into an English phrase that won't sound horribly bizarre and/or insulting and/or condescending.
So I kept the more direct translation which makes me go 
every time I see it pop up in dating sims/anime/manga/etc.
[Ogami]
You ARE cute, Maria, so I think you'd look good even in more feminine clothes.
[Maria]
Eh... is that so? I... um, I don't know much about that sort of thing...
----
[Ogami]
I kind of figured, what with the huge trenchcoat that you wear all year.
[Maria]
Truth be told, I just... wear it so that I don't stand out as much.
[Ogami]
I.
[Ogami]
That.
[Ogami]
... I don't even know where I should begin.
----
[Ogami]
Hm? What's up, Maria?
[Maria]
Could you please... not tell anyone else about this?
[Ogami]
U~m, let's see...
[Ogami]
Hmm, now what SHALL I do?
I decided to go with the midpoint between "stupidly serious" and "stupidly suicidal."
... granted, I was tempted to hit the third choice, but I refrained from doing so.
I know that you can't go directly to the game over screen in the dating sim portion of Sakura Wars, but some choices really push that assumption sometimes. 
[Ogami]
Just kidding, I was just kidding! I'll keep it a secret.
----
In a heartbeat, all the cute and happy atmosphere drains from the conversation, leaving a frigid chilly awkwardness between them.
... what have I done? 
[Ogami]
Aah. Okay, see you later...
[Ogami]
I guess Maria's a girl after all, huh.
Now then, guess I'll go elsewhere.
----
Yay, it's Sumire!
And she's in a mood to tear off the head of anyone who messes up even a little bit.
...
Yay, it's Sumire!! 
[Ogami]
You mean...
There's only one correct choice here.
[Ogami]
Let's see, it's... about Kanna, right?
[Ogami]
... but you managed to make peace with her a little while back, didn't you?
[Sumire]
I simply have my doubts about the casting of our plays. That is a seperate matter entirely.
... hmm.
[Ogami]
No, I don't think so.
[Sumire]
What did you say, Ensign!? What exactly do you mean by THAT?
[Ogami]
I'm simply a newcomer where it comes to plays, so I can't really say this for sure, but...
No matter how well one plays the main character, the play won't be able to come together without the supporting cast.
[Ogami]
Even the Demon Woman is a splended role. Furthermore, I think it's a role that no one but you could pull off, Sumire-kun.
As we've seen all too often during the course of this game, the only way to deflate Sumire's anger is to appeal to her vanity.
... even if you CAN take Ogami's statement in a number of rather unflattering ways.
----
[Sumire]
And what you are saying is that I am such a huge bitch that I can pull off evil bitches excellently! Is that it!?
[Ogami]
Wait! Wait, no, that's not--
[Sumire]
KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--
----
[Sumire]
I believe that I was wrong. Even the supporting cast has its own wonderful roles to play... it is exactly as you say, Ensign.
[Ogami]
That's it. That's exactly what I wanted to say.
----
[Ogami]
O-oh yeah, that was totally what I wanted to say. Oh yeah. Yup. Mm-hmm.
----
[Sumire]
Now then, I shall retire to the salon... please be sure to come by yourself, Ensign.
...
Swordsman, Mecha Pilot, Piano/Contrabass Player, Master Waxer, Martial Artist, Naval Ensign, Ticket Taker, Clothes Changer, Boy Toy/Master Pimp, King of Children's Card Games, and now Psychiatrist...
WTFCIOD? (What The Fuck CAN'T Ichiro Ogami Do?)
NEXT TIME: There Are Times When You Should Damn Well Listen To What Kohran's Telling You To Do, Ayame Fujieda: Master Of Crushing Young Men's Dreams, and Let's Talk To Everyohgod.
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