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MOVIE ALERT!
The Introduction To The First Battle!

While I'll be covering and/or translating this in screenshot format, you'll be missing lots without the movie. Movement, music, voices, etc... and they're pretty nifty. GET TO WATCHIN'!

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TAISHO ERA, 12th YEAR; APRIL
UENO PARK



If you're hankerin' to strike fear into the hearts of innocent civilians everywhere, you have to hit them where it hurts the most: their snack food industry.

(Censored for violence against innocent takoyaki stands. )



Meet the Wakiji. These brainless foot soldiers are the Koopa Troopas of the demon-driven mechanical soldiers: they're easy to kill, have a trillion variations on the theme, hit as hard as a sack of feathers--



And seem ludicrously easy to manufacture/spawn/etc. Seems like the Wakiji that Sakura cut to pieces had friends who would love to return the favor.



Our first Big Bad appears in a shower of peacock feathers. How many birds died to make this entrance possible?



This little piggy is cleavage cleavage cleavage sort of a crazy bitch. At least she has cleavage looks marginally human.





This little piggy is just... downright frightening. He would make such a cute couple with Iris, and they would destroy the world as they skipped along happily



This little piggy is more eloquent than you'd expect out of a meatshie-

Wait..... they've got motherfucking SATAN batting for their team?! WE'RE FUCKED



Oh, it's just some wannabe pretty boy poser. He doesn't even have a scrap of red ON him.



Though I have to say, that hair looks downright fabulous on him. And with an evil voice like that, he'd be PERFECT for one of those shampoo commercials.

----
Satan

Hmhmhmhm....
L'Oreal: Because... I'm Worth It.
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Though, on another note.... the first version of Sakura Wars came out in 1996.

You heard it here first, we had psychotic, long and silver-haired pretty men as antagonists long before those Lifestream moonshine-chugging terrorist rednecks in Final Fantasy. :|

IN YOUR FACE.

But anyway...



WAKIJI HAET CONCESSION STAND



HAET IT... SO... MUCH


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... derp?



Well, now we can get a good look at each of our robots, who'll be dashing in all heroically and stuff.



Yup, here they com-







HOLY MOTHER OF WHAT THE CHRIST



Wait, but it has no--



-- no goddamn TRACKS, how is it even--



-- wait oh god it just ejected the robots about A TRILLION FEET UP INTO THE AIR and oh god they're all fucked--



-- ah, fuck it, FUCK YEAH! ROLLING THUNDER!!



Thankfully, the Koubu manage to land feet first.

-- now, Robot Roll Call!



Sakura! ("Swoon~!")



Sumire! ("Oh~hohoho!!")



Maria! ("...")



O~gami! ("HOW DO I TURN OFF MY LEFT TURN SIGNAL?!")



...

The Imperial Assault Force, Flower Division: Making Entrances You'll Never Forget Since 1923.

... though, does the Rolling Thunder jump its tracks like that every time it passes by Ueno Park?



Yeah, they sort of ARE. I mean, LOOK at them, they're just blasting up and down all dramatic-like, as if they OWN the damn place.

Which they do, being the government and all. Again, however, that's totally besides the point.

Satan

Interesting... I shall handle this....

???

Hah... we'll leave this up to you.

Nevermind the fact that teaming up and forcing me to fight four bosses at once would utterly decimate the fledgling, half-strength Imperial Assault Force while it's still young and inexperienced. They're just going to let the Assault Force do whatever the fork it wants.

...





AND SO WE SHALL.


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(continued in the next post)


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