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1-1: One Big Dysfunctional Family
First and foremost: the opening movie. Damn, that's a catchy theme song. (Permanent video UP.)
Sakura Wars: Opening 1
(Disclaimer: they do not actually go into space ). Well, there's the full cast, all six of the female mains. Only four of them will actually be around at the beginning of the game, however.
And when you click on Start a New Game, you get THIS movie:
Arrival at the Imperial Capital
Cherry blossoms! 
And an infestation that NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT.
Now that we've got the obligatory movies out of the way, it's time for-
... the obligatory introduction. This might, hands down, be the most boring part of the game.
[Letter]
As part of a special mission, you are hereby transferred and assigned a new post as captain of the following squad:
"The Imperial Capital Assault Force, Anti-Demon Attack Squad, Flower Division."
Furthermore, for the sake of the Imperial Capital's defense, your primary duty is to be highly classified.
Proceed to Ueno Park in order to rendezvous with the squad.
~ Imperial Army Lieutenant General
Ikki Yoneda
WHERE in Ueno Park? Hell, for that matter, WHEN is he supposed to be meeting up with this nameless contact?
The old man's intervention was necessary, as Ogami was desperately re-reading the letter in hopes of finding more specific information about this rendezvous.
Enjoy your fruitless search.
And here we have the face of our hero, Ichiro Ogami, along with his somewhat frightening head of hair. Little does he know that this mission will forever alter the course of his life, and the lives of, oh, six other young women.
Oh, yeah, there's also the FATE OF ALL OF JAPAN, but that's not nearly as important.
[???]
Hmmm... a good answer.
... it's the stock 'obedient soldier' answer, you twit. I'm pretty sure almost anyone could say that with a straight face.
[???]
As a government official, I am forbidden to discuss the Fighting Troupe's military secrets here. For more details, you should ask the Imperial Fighting Troupe's commander-in-chief, Lieutenant General Yoneda.
Now then, head for Ueno Park. I hope you will meet my expectations, as it was I who recommended you.
And now we know who to lay the blame upon when if Ogami fucks everything up!
[Ogami]
Understood! Ichiro Ogami, now heading for Ueno Park!
[???]
I leave the peace of the capital in your hands. Do your best.
[Ogami]
Yessir!
And then we're at Ueno Park. We still don't know anything about Ogami- is he a badass soldier who evaluates everything around him in terms of threat level, shootability, and potential cover? Is he an idealistic champion of justice, hot-blooded and willing to lay his life down for what he perceives to be right? Is he a tree-hugging peace-loving hippy, fighting to preserve the ultimate balance in mandkind?
[Ogami]
Now, let's see... I wonder where the meeting point is? Guess I'll try walking around a bit more.
None of the above. He's just a poorly-informed idjit. 
Meanwhile, we have more scenery, this time panning to the right.
wheeeeee
[Ogami]
And some sword-wielding young girl supposedly cut down the monster with a single strike....
Given the nature of JRPGs, this rumor probably became central to the plot the second he decided to say it out loud to himself for no discernable reason whatsoever.
[Ogami]
.........
They said that the person from the Imperial Assault Force would meet me here, but when is he going to show up?
This is why the Imperial Capital has a demon infestation in its basement and in its skies: because the military can't even get its shit together enough to give their personnel instructions more detailed than "eh, just go somewhere around here at some time and your contact'll bump into you eventually."
In any case, it's time to pan back over to the le-
what
but she wasn't within eyesight at all when you were just LOOKING over there-- SHE'S NOT HUMAN
RUN, YOU FOOL
NO! I'M TOO LATE
...
... let's get back to that LP.
---
[Ogami]
Y, yes. I'm Ogami, but....
Um.... pardon me, but who are you?
She's basically the title character; canonically, the main female protagonist. Also Ogami's ONE TRUE PAIRING, etc.
Apparently, she's also a badass swordswoman, and has a jealous streak a mile wi- but anyways, back to the script.
[Sakura]
Lieutenant General Yoneda sent me- my duty was to pick up Ensign Ogami.
[Ogami]
(I heard that someone would be coming to meet me, but... I never would have expected it to be a woman....)
Er, uh... are you a part of the Imperial Assault Force?!
[Sakura]
Yes!
[Sakura]
It's a pleasure to meet you.
[Ogami]
Ah... I am Imperial Navy Ensign, Ichiro Ogami.
But... that a young woman like yourself is a member of the troupe... to be honest, I'm shocked.
[Ogami]
Ah, er, no... nothing like that, but....
---
[Ogami]
... I thought women only stayed inside and made babies.
[Sakura]
... what about your mother? Didn't SHE do anything worthwhi-
[Ogami]
WAIT, MY MOTHER'S A WOMAN?!
---
[Ogami]
(... I guess a secret corps would be the ONLY place where it wouldn't be odd to have a female soldier like this.)
Well, yeah, I guess they gotta keep those females out of the public eye. Wouldn't want to let it be known that, heaven forbid, they let them pour metric tons of effort and sweat into the defense of our country, just like anybody else, no siree.
[Ogami]
Eh- a... theater?
And here we have the game's multiple choice system. They give it the fancy name of "Live Interactive Picture System" (LIPS). Like most dating sims, you're given a number of options dictating how the main character answers (three, usually); unlike most dating sims, you're on a time limit. There are a few more variations further on in the game (most notably Double LIPS, Timed LIPS, and Analog LIPS), but we'll get to those later.
Incidentally, that last option could've had so much potential. "Only a trained navy officer could possibly hope to save the destitute Imperial Grand Theater from bankruptcy! A battle decided not by guns or robots, but by DANCE-OFFS!!" I'm convinced that that would make for an awesome RPG.
Running out of time leads to your hidden fourth option. I wasn't meaning to demonstrate it this early, but I fucked up.
[Ogami]
(Is she REALLY a member of the Imperial Assault Force...?)
Clearly, you should interrogate her just to be sure, at gunpoint.
[Ogami]
Ah... y, yes. I'm coming!
Wuss.
What a romantic first CG for Sakura. Enjoy it while it lasts, I think the rest consists of Ogami staring at girls in a constant state of befuddlement.
... yet.
[Ogami]
Eh...?
[Sakura]
I heard that you graduated with honors from the naval academy, so I was a little uneasy.
But it looks like you're a bit easygoing, too... I'm glad you're so easy to talk to.
You seem to have 'utterly baffled' confused with 'easygoing'.
[Ogami]
Hahahahaha....
See?
[Sakura]
Um, Ogami-san... I hope that we can get along from here on out.
----
OPTIONAL VIDEO: In case you wanted to hear Sakura's voice in that last scene (however, Ogami usually isn't voiced).
Downside: no subtitles. It's taking me long enough to put captions on each screenshot as it is. 
----
Some Time Later...
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there aren't any boats in the middle of Ginza, either. What DO they expect him to do here, anyway?
[Ogami]
I suppose that no one would ever realize that a secret military force would have its headquarters in such a theater...
[Sakura]
This is your first time here, isn't it, Ogami-san? Then let's enter the theater from the front lobby.
[Ogami]
Even so... it seems somewhat quiet, doesn't it?
[Sakura]
We're only scheduled for evening activities today, so...
[Ogami]
(Evening activities? ... would that be drills in the evening?)
[Sakura]
However, we're opening the theater in a little bit, so it's going to fill up with customers quickly.
---
And here's our token loli. I have not yet seen a dating sim or a dating sim-like game that does NOT have an underaged girl as an option. ... I'm not sure I want to know what that says about Japan.
[Sakura]
Iris! It's not nice to make fun of adults.
This is Ensign Ichirou Ogami, who's transferred into the Imperial Assault Force.
She's Iris Chateaubriand, one of the other eligibles. She's also, like, nine years old. Keep that in mind during the following conversation.
[Ogami]
I'm... Imperial Navy Ensign, Ichiro Ogami. Er, uhm....
(It'd be better to think through my reply since she's just a child...
Yeah, it'd be best to make a good impression. He's going to be working with these people for god knows HOW long, after all.
Eh, not good so far. If you wait long enough, a third option will pop up-
- like so. See, you can't really go wrong with compliments, can y-
... er, wait, shit, what's with Ogami's expression?
THIS, LADIES AND GENTS, IS THE MAN WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE PEACE OF THE CAPITAL.
More to the point, why isn't she at all creeped out by this? He was heaping it on with a SHOVEL. He wants into her pants.
[Ogami]
Hahahahaha....
That's not an answer. 
SHIT that's fast and highly illogical. Though I guess they don't call France the land of highly illegal purchased love for nothing, eh what?
[Ogami]
Eh....?!
Again, she's nine years old. Why does he have the lovey-dovey expression? Why doesn't he have the SHOCKED expression?!
[Sakura]
Iris... you're being a nuisance to Ensign Ogami, aren't you? Come on, go to your room.
----
[Sakura]
For your own goddamn safety. NOW.
----
---
[Sakura]
I DON'T WANT TO BE HELD PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CRIMINAL ACTIVITY THAT WOULD ENSUE, MISSY, SO JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM!!
---
[Sakura]
That won't do! You're tired from today's stage rehearsal, aren't you?
Suddenly, they all become serious.
[Sakura]
What's wrong?
[Iris]
This oniichan also has spirit energy... is he going to fight using a 'Koubu', too?
[Sakura]
... that's right.
[Ogami]
It's all right. .... you don't need to be afraid. There isn't going to be anything like a war.
---
All that goodwill earlier? Gone. She's on to him now. 
[Ogami]
What... what are you talking about?
[Sakura]
Nothing at all! Lieutenant General Yoneda will be waiting for you in the Manager's Office! Come on, we're going elsewhere, Iris!
[Ogami]
.....?
Wh... what WAS with that kid, anyway?
---
[Ogami]
She was so... dreamy...
---
[Ogami]
Sakura-kun's also gone... dang.
It can't be helped. I guess I'll have to go meet Lieutenant General Yoneda myself...
----
OPTIONAL VIDEO:
If you wanted to hear Iris's voice in that last scene, here's the link. You can also hear Sakura getting totally sketched out.
Incidentally, that little chime sound you hear every now and then- after a character speaks, that is- means that his/her trust level with Ogami has gone up. This is important later.
----
Let's roll. In three-dee.
---
What? Did someone in a cardboard box just sneak by?
[Ogami]
... who could that be? I think that voice just now came from the direction of the cafeteria...
Oh, it's an even- wait a second, how come Ogami knows where the cafeteria is? How does an Ogami know what a cafeteria is
After more walking, we're given, for the first time, the choice of NOT talking to this angry woman.
Perhaps unwisely, I decide to do so. I'm a goddamn masochist.
... and I'm confronted with this.
Oh, the willful innocence of the 1920's. If you think THAT'S indecent, fast forward about seventy, eighty years.
Sumire
Ah! You over there!
[Ogami]
A, are you referring to me?
Sumire
Is there even anywone else HERE? Stop giving me that dumb look and get over here?
I'm pretty sure that's his standard expression, ma'am. You'll have to pay extra to get any one of his others.
[Ogami]
R, right...
Sumire
Would you kindly pick up that fork that I dropped and replace it with a clean one?
Being a whipped man decent person, he does so.
[Ogami]
Sure. ... here, there you go.
This is indeed Sumire Kanzaki, one of the OTHER eligibles in the game. Being a haughty, angry, spiteful woman whose mind works in arcane and not entirely sane ways, Sumire has been the bane of my existence in most of my playthroughs.
She also has what appears to be a physics-defying kimono. I'm not sure how she can bare her shoulders like that without having her clothes slide down to the floor, and I'm pretty sure her breasts aren't holding it all up. If someone more versed in the art of kimono-wearing has any theories, I'm all ears.
---
---
[Ogami]
Not my problem, ma'am, I just work here. Also, thanks for the potential future blackmail, I'll be seeing you clothesless in my room at... oh, at about nine.
---
[Ogami]
(Huh....)
.... I have transferred into the Imperial Asssault Force from today forth. I am Imperial Navy Ensign, Ichiro Ogami.
Savor your employed status while you still can.
---
... are ALL the women here so- aaah, nevermind.
[Ogami]
Uwaah!! Wh, what are you doing all of a sudden?!
Shocked expression when a hot woman gives him a smooch, but a lusty expression when he's propositioned by a nine-year-old French girl? Goddamn it, Ogami. But I guess this means that he's letting her go scott-free.
I'M SURE.
[Ogami]
U, um... where might Lieutenant General Yoneda's office be at?!
Sumire
Do you understand, Ensign Ogawa?
[Ogami]
.... it's Ogami.
Either she has a really bad memory, or... well, how many OTHER ensigns have she banged there been here, anyway? Or is that something that I really don't want to be asking?
[Ogami]
R, right...
----
OPTIONAL VIDEO:
Now, it's Sumire's turn. Her voice fits more or less perfectly. Enough said.
----
More walking gets us over HERE.
[Ogami]
Lieutenant General Ikki Yoneda... the famed military strategist who was active during the Japanese-Russo War... I wonder what kind of person he is?
An awesome one.
Whoops, looks like someone was there before him.
And it's another one of the eligible top pilots.
[Ogami]
Ah... I'm sorry. I am Imperial Navy Ensign Ichiro Ogami.
I wish to meet with Lieutenant General Yoneda...
[Marial]
So you're the Ensign Ogami who was transferred to the Imperial Capital.
... I'm running out of emoticons. But she is, indeed, the team's sniper, so hey.
Maria Tachibana. Ice cold, all business, and thoroughly badass, she's probably the only one in the theater who seems to have all of her shit together.
[Ogami]
Uh, um....
[Maria]
.... yes? Do you have something to ask of me?
And she's not taking any of this lovey-dovey crap from some spiky-headed man-child of an anime protagonist.
[Ogami]
(Up until now, I haven't had very many opportunities to speak with women....)
(What should I talk about with her?
Just as long as he knows what NOT to talk with her about, he should be fine.
...
Naaaah. Choice two, because I don't want to die.
[Ogami]
Excuse me... Lieutenant General Yoneda is....?
[Maria]
.... waiting inside. And?
[Ogami]
Nothing, really... this will be the first time I've met him, so I'm really nervous...
[Maria]
I see... you do not need to worry, Lieutenant General Yoneda is a wonderful person. It's just that...
[Ogami]
.... "it's just that"?
[Maria]
... no, it's nothing. Please find out for yourself.
[Ogami]
.... ?
And that's the end of THAT rather awkward and thoroughly foreboding conversation.
---
And on we go to Click LIPS. See the cursor? You can look anywhere in an attempt to spark conversation (or just to ogle).
Again, because I don't want to die, I'm not looking at her chest. This time.
Looking at her clothes gives you...
... the spoutings of Captain Obvious. This, however, does not necessarily mean that she is actually wearing anything under that overcoat. Save for the stage and for battle, I don't think I've seen her out of that outfit.
The same goes with about half of the brigade, most NPCs, AND most any other character in every other RPG ever made, but still.
---
And again.
Looking at her face...
Fuck it, I'm just going to try to speak to her again.
Okay, Ogami, knock it off with this "what should I talk to her about?!" jibber-jabber. Demonstrate that your social skills are not limited to nine-year-old French girls. Prove that you can converse with this woman like any rational human being can. Show us the power of a dating sim protagonist!
---
---
[Ogami]
(Whew... What an oppressive feeling... Even moreso than any of the instructors at the naval academy....)
[Ogami]
Ah, er....
---
... but you STILL can't actually converse with her. Figures. But hey, at least the office is wide open. Go forth, Ichiro Ogami! Take your first step into the Imperial Assault Force, and bring your awkward and mildly pedophilic social skills to bear!!
----
OPTIONAL VIDEO:
Finally, we have Maria. This video is decidedly less frenetically bizarre than the last three.
----
Well, that's it for this first update- the real meat of the game is just about to begin. This IS my first LP, so I'm open to suggestions. Text size too small? Too many/few screenshots, and/or too little/much text? Picture size and placement too borked? Commentary too asinine? Ogami not being enough of an asshole? I'm all ears.
Next update, Ogami actually goes INTO the office, we actually get to see this 'Yoneda' character, and the sap's mission actually begins! Sort of. I'll also be throwing in (untranslated) videos of these first few scenes, in case people want to hear the voice actresses behind this work.
NEXT TIME: FUCK YES, YOU ARE THE BEST BOSS FIGHT EVER.
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