Sakura Wars - What the christ is this?

Let's Play "Sakura Wars: Atsuki Chishio ni" (translated as "In Hot Blood." There's some sort of literary reference at work here. Now you too can feel marginally more educated)! This is going to be mainly a Screenshot LP, with some videos thrown in for reference.

What the christ is this?
The Sakura Wars series of games isn't at all well-known in the US; however, it's been pretty damn popular in Japan since about 1996, back when the first Sakura Wars came out on the Sega Saturn. With character designs by Kosuke Fujishima (who is freakin' EVERYWHERE- the "Tales" series, "Oh! My Goddess", and so on), the series has spawned spin-off games, anime OVAs, manga, live stage shows, and even a full-blown themed cafe (I kid you not). Remade for the PS2 in 2003, "Sakura Wars: In Hot Blood" is the (much-needed) overhaul of that very first game.

Sakura Wars can be best described as an alternate universe set in the 1920's, where mankind has focused most of their technological advances on the most awesome source of energy ever: steam power. The level of technology is also insanely high, as countries have things like steam-powered cars, calculators, computers- and, of course, mecha (though given their small size, power suits might be a more accurate term).

Problem is, demons also exist. They also have steam-powered mecha. In Japan (always Japan), that's where the Imperial Assault Force comes in- a top-secret, anti-demon force whose members 1) draw upon spirit energy to pilot mecha (long story), and 2) are all women. Well, all except for the main character. As captain of the Imperial Assault Force, it's his job to ~~stick it in~~ lead them to victory.

Regardless, Sakura Wars plays like a cross between a turn-based strategy RPG and a dating sim. It's the player's job to, at the very least, build a rapport with the female pilots. This is accomplished in the dating sim part, which is the main driving force for the plot. The mecha strategy part is where you show the fruits of your labors; happy pilots are pilots who can kick inordinate amounts of ass.

Why an LP of some random Japanese game?
Aside from the fact that I honestly like this series and think that it needs more exposure? Well, the first game, written with 1996 anime sensibilities in mind, has its ridiculously (and sometime hilariously) campy moments. Also, where the girls are concerned, there is apparently no goddamn middle ground between "I respect the captain and am satisfied with how he's doing" and "I WILL HAVE HIS BABIES".

Are we just sitting on our asses the whole LP?
Sort of. While I'll be deferring to the audience for one or two chapter fork-in-the-roads, virtually every multiple-choice question that is worth something is timed, and you can only save the game at certain points. However, I'll probably be somewhat flexible as to how much of an asshole you want the main character to be, and to whom.

Furthermore, there ARE six girls, and ONE of them will be Ogami's top pilot and/or romantic interest. This is hands down the most important decision in the game, and it's one that's not going to crop up for a while. Until then, it's generally a good idea to have the main character favor one or two characters- and I'm totally open for suggestions where that's concerned. And hey, speaking of which--

~~ONCE AGAIN, THE THREAD'S BIG VOTE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, up until November 12th, midnight EST.~~ Aaaaand it's closed. Thanks for voting!

While I'm translating a lot of this text by myself and twiddling with screenshots, I'm using the GameFAQ translation guides as my references. Bear with me here.

Any other questions? Toss them my way, but for now, WE'RE STARTING.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: Arrival at the Imperial Capital / Japan is Freaking Doomed
1-1 - One Big Dysfunctional Family
1-2 - FUCK YES, YOU ARE THE BEST BOSS FIGHT EVER
1-3 - "Nightly Rounds?" Are Those Even In His Contract?
1-4 - Horror, Thine Name is Jean-Paul
1-5 - Give an Untrained Man a Robot, and He Will Drive It Off A Cliff
1-6 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- April. UENO PARK
1-7 - BOSS FIGHT! Satan's Kamui / Epilogue: Ha! Ha! Ha!

CHAPTER 2: The Enemy's Name is the Hive of Darkness / SAAAAAKUUUUURAAAAAA!
2-1 - "Explosions Are My Way Of Laughin'!"
2-2 - In Which Ogami is Everyone's Bitch
2-3 - Every Nook and Cranny
2-4 - Twice the Nightly Roun- Goddamn it, Ogami.
2-5 - Swimming Lessons?
2-6 - ... Bad End
2-7 - But Everything Can Be Solved By Violence
2-8 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- May. SHIBA PARK
2-9 - BOSS FIGHT! Kage
2-10 - BOSS FIGHT...? / Epilogue: Mystery Solved?

CHAPTER 3: I'm Not Fit to be Captain!? / "... And You're A Dick For Asking."
3-1 - "It's Like Hearing That The Sun Won't Rise Today!"
3-2 - Technology Will Kill Us All
3-3 - But Sheer Muscle Will Save Us
3-4 - On Second Thought, It'll Probably Just Kill Us Too
3-5 - Let's Cooking!
3-6 - Let's Dreams!
3-7 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- June. TSUKIJI
3-8 - Battle, First Half
3-9 - Battle, Second Half...?
3-10 - An Out of Body Experience
3-11 - Neither Rain nor Snow nor Excessive Amounts of Injuries...
3-12 - ... will keep Ogami from his goddamn nightly rounds.
3-13 - Milk Does a Body Kanna; Sumire's Bizarro Innuendo
3-14 - What's the difference between a piano and a wrench? Only one of them's shoved up Ogami's aaAAAIIEE--
3-15 - excuse me maria, wtr r u doin
3-16 - Birds of a Feather (We're All Jerks Here)
3-17 - Because Certain Laws Must Be Obeyed
3-18 - Your Princess Is In This Castle. It Will Soon Be Reduced To A Pile of Steaming Rubble.
3-19 - BOSS FIGHT! Setsuna's Soukaku / Fighting Demons... WITH LOVE.
3-20 - Isn't It Sad, ~~Sacchin~~ ~~Sumire~~ Setsuna?
3-21 - Epilogue: The Laws of Harem Anime Rear Their Ugly Heads

CHAPTER 4: Rampage! Rampage! Great Big Rampage!! / IRIS IRIS IRIS IRIS IRIS IRIS IRIS IRIS
4-1 - The Day That Time Stood Still / Decision Time (Is Over)!
4-2 - Ha Ha Ha, Oh Wow / Ogami: Man of Many Talents
4-3 - CPR Doesn't Work That Way / French Chefs Are Fucking Scary
4-4 - Gratuitous Violence, Gratuitous Service, Gratuitous Koi Koi, Gratuitous Kohran
4-5 - Enjoy Your Happy Fun Time While It Lasts: Part 1
4-6 - Enjoy Your Happy Fun Time While It Lasts: Part 2
4-7 - Enjoy Your Happy Fun T--
4-8 - It Came From Three Dimensions To The Left
BONUS - A Few What-Ifs?
4-9 - Damage Assessment (The Damage Counter Is Still Rolling)
4-10 - Nightly Rounds Part 1 - Twice the Ayame for the price of One Kohran
BONUS 2 - What If Ogami Decided To Be A Horrible Human Being?
4-11 - Nightly Rounds Part 2 - There Is No Escaping Sumire Kanzaki's Influence
4-12 - Nightly Rounds Part 3 - Swimming! Stars! ... Failure!
4-13 - Nightly Rounds Part Final - 2/3rd Theater Girls, GUN X SOAP, and the Melancholy of Iris Chateaubriand
4-14 - In Which Ichiro Ogami Fucks Over Japan
4-15 - In Which Ichiro Ogami Discovers That No One Has Their Priorities Straight
4-16 - Bear With Me For A Moment
4-17 - I Am...
4-18 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- July. ASAKUSA
4-19 - BOSS FIGHT! Rasetsu's Ginkaku / IRIS MARIONETTE
4-20 - I'll Throw You So Hard That You'll Kiss The Moon / Epilogue: The Rampage of Sakura Shinguji

CHAPTER 5: Bloom with the Flowers! On the Maiden's Willpower! / "Ruh-roh, Sumire!" "Like, you said it, Kanna!"
5-1 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- August. GRAND IMPERIAL THEATER! Son Goku VS the Demon Woman!
5-2 - The Demon Woman and Son Goku: Cut and Paste Counseling / I'll Show You My Clothes For A Buck
5-3 - T-Minus Fifteen Minutes
5-4 - Mission: The Boonies. Allies: A Rock and a Hard Place
5-5 - Nightly Rounds Part 1 - In the End, There is only Koi Koi
5-6 - Nightly Rounds Part 2 - Feminine Apparel / Feminine Cosmetics / ... Feminine
5-7 - Nightly Rounds Part 3 - Advocating Thievery, Old Man Spiels, and Cockblocking Combos
5-8 - Nightly Rounds Part 4 - A Rose By Any Other Name is FUCK YOU, Fanservice (?), and Mission START!
5-9 - Fukagawa Mansion: Sumire Route. Point-and-Click Makes The World Go Round.
5-10 - Kiss Her / Genuflect / JAM IT IN
5-11 - Meanwhile, VIOLENCE! Also, Jazz Hands.
5-12 - Bonding Time, Spirit-Powered Pieces of Paper, and Speak Softly But Carry Kanna
5-13 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- August. FUKAGAWA
5-14 - BOSS FIGHT! Crimson Hornet Squad / Epilogue: Foreplay! Also, Foreshadowing

CHAPTER 6: Unspeaking Companions / In Which Kohran Puts the "Mad" in "Mad Scientist."
6-1 - Stage One: Denial
6-2 - Nightly Rounds Part 1 - Hypocrisy at Work, It's Not Sexual Harrassment When SHE Does It, and Beautifully Orchestrated
6-3 - Nightly Rounds Part 2 - First and Last Excursion, Seeya Later!

, PUNCH, and Kind of Awkward.
6-4 - Nightly Rounds Part 3 - Second Letter!, Reading with Kanna, Stock Romantic Stargazing, and Waxing On
6-5 - Stage Two: Attempts at Persuasion
6-6 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- August. UENO PARK (Redux)
6-7 - Stage Three: Depression
6-8 - Stage Four: Anger
6-9 - Daily... Rounds? Token Appearances: Everyone Else
6-10 - Stage Five: InsaniTHEY CALLED ME MAD BUT I'LL SHOW THEM, I'LL SHOW THEM ALL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--
6-11 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- August. SHIBA PARK (Redux)
6-12 - BOSS FIGHT! Soukaku AND Ginkaku / Energy Charge, 500%!
6-13 - shit ow god not in the fucking face aaaaagh
6-14 - Epilogue: And the cycle continues unbroken. Also, MORE FORESHADOWING!

CHAPTER 7: The Imperial Capital's Great Collapse!? / Ha Ha Screw That, We're Partying Like It's 1923.
7-1 - It's Kanna Time!, Why Yoneda Exists, and SUDDENLY, A BULL
7-2 - Geezers Are Awesome, It Came From The Dressing Room, It Came From The Costumes Room, and Ichiro Ogami: Master Psychiatrist
7-3 - The Unfortunate Demise of Mr. Party, Cockblocking x 9999, and Let's Talk To EveryOHGOD
7-4 - Fetch Quest, Cooking Mama, and, uh, More Fetch Quests.
7-5 - Heavy Lifting, Kohran Has Totally Planned For This, and Romancing the Wind Division
7-6 - Party is Go!
7-7 - Kohran Turns Some Tricks, Bellybuttons Are In Danger, and DRAMATIC REVEAL!
7-8 - Escaping From A Cave-In- Step 1: Break Reality.
7-9 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- September. GINZA...?
7-10-1 - BOSS FIGHT! ~~Kujyaku~~ Peacock
7-10-2 - Epilogue: Finally, We Get Around To _ohshit

CHAPTER 8: Decisive Battle-- To The Very Ends Of Life! / How NOT To Take Over The World.
8-1 - Plans are MADE to be stupid!
8-2 - But that-- that explanation doesn't-- wait, what did you just-- buh!?
8-3-1 - Please Bear With Me Again
8-3-2 - Strolling Through Old Man Tenkai's Front Lawn
VOTING GOES HERE.
8-4 - Team Name: Leave No Man ~~Alive~~ Behind
8-5 - Taisho Era, 12th Year- September. HIVE OF DARKNESS'S MAIN BASE
8-6 - BOSS FIGHT! Amaterasu
8-7 - BOSS FIGHT! ... Amaterasu
8-8 - BOSS F-- well, okay, no. / Epilogue: BOY, I hope we haven't forgotten anything!

CHAPTER 9: A Date On These Peaceful Days. / HOWEVER...
9-1 - Out With The Glasses, In With The Guns.
9-2 - Ave Maria.
9-3 - Taisho Era, 13th Year- January. MEIJI SHRINE
9-4 - Not a BOSS FIGHT. / Epilogue: HOWEVER...

CHAPTER 10: The Gods Have Descended! / Japan Is Even More Freaking Doomed
10-1 - Cheer Everyone Up OR YOU'RE FUCKED!

10-2 - Domestic Violence, Drug Abuse, S&M, and Shooting Tranquilizers At Little Girls.
10-3 - Domestic Chores, He Who Wears The Pants Around Here, and Freudian Slips.
10-4 - Three For The Price Of One, or One For The Price Of Three?
10-5 - Ultimate Multitasking: Tsubaki's Event, Kasumi's Event
10-6 - Yuri's Event, Ayame's Event / Mid-Season Power-Up?
10-7 - THREE FUCKING WEEKS LATER
10-8 - Kohran's ENTIRE LIFE STORY. Also, Maria.
10-9 - ... and everyone else. / Jinbu: A GOD AM I
10-10 - Taisho Era, 13th Year- January. GINZA, A CERTAIN LOCATION
10-11 - The ~~Franken~~Fruits of Our Training
10-12 - BOSS FIGHT! Immobile Flame Wheel
10-13 - Epilogue: HOWEVER 2: Return of the Revenge of the Heavy-Handed Foreshadowing

CHAPTER 11: The Appearance of the Ultimate Weapon / Plot Twists. Plot Twists EVERYWHERE.
11-1 - FORESHADOWING. Also, Maria Becomes Sticky.
11-2 - Scaring Away Customers, FORESHADOWING, and Giving Sumire the Shaft.
11-3 - Bathpans and Loathing in Ginza, Japan
11-4 - Recapping, Show Business is Violence Against Children, and Dramatic Romantic Tension... tic.
11-5 - MEANWHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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BONUS STUFF:
A look into Sakura Wars's past-- the Dreamcast version of the same game-- courtesy of TapamN.
First Battle Dreamcast Version
Spirit Armor's PS2 video of the same battle Part 1 - Part 2

Sakura's Minigame
Iris' Minigame
(Shooting) Hatsumode Minigame
Sumire's minigame
Maria's minigame
Kanna's minigame

Minigame: WIN Pictures!

Hokuto plays the sequel to the puzzle game spin-off of Sakura Wars!
- STORY MODE: Sumire Kanzaki
- SHONEN RED MODE: Maria Tachibana

Fanart that Terashell got Jacobus Spades to draw.

The true face of Sakura Wars.

The Kannakoubulon, courtesy of LaserShark and the Spore Creature Creator.

LaserShark, what have you done!?

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